yuppie - Cerebral Insights

moving on…yet again

I guess I hit rock bottom when I took the cliff dive. A month ago I was so eager to make the jump that I must have jumped without really looking or thinking, that is. Not that I have any regrets for jumping – I relish the adrenaline rush of the thrilling escapade yet I will be a hypocrite if I feign success over what I did.

Nope. I was not successful. I fell, dear reader. I did. And the bruises hurt.

I love the job I have right now. There is nothing compared to the joy of figuring out the words being dictated – medical words that are really hard to understand coming from a non-native English speaker. The joy that rushes through my veins whenever I understand that the doctor was saying Coreg when all I can hear was courage is uncomparable.

Yet for all my praises for this job, equally are my disgrunts on how the company works. I know there are no perfect companies out there but this company exceeds the limit. For one there is the constant dispute over our very minimal salary. I learned today that PGS stands for President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo Scholars. We are called PGS trainees at work. I learned that PGS were given something like 10k, half of which goes to the company and half to the trainee or training costs I figure. This would include our allowance. What I do not understand then is how come, with such a fair amount of budget, are we entitled to get only a hefty 50php allowance per day? And to think we are already learning account specifics. Shouldn’t it be that when one trangresses to learning about account specifics they earn higher, possibly not a trainee’s allowance but an employee’s wage? Sad to say that it not my case.

And yesterday, when my mom learned that we were the ones who would still have to laminate our IDs and pay for our ID cords, she was astounded – urging me not to report to work any longer and to quit from the training. She goes further to state that by what she observes of my current health status, the allowance won’t even cover for my medical bills.

Furthermore, she states that I do not need to really work – a daughter’s dream, I must say. How many kids now a days can hear their parents tell them that they must not work yet? That the parents would still be willing to shoulder their kids’ expenses? In reality, my mom just wanted me to stop tiring myself out in a work that promises no higher compensation for the amount of work I put in.

She further urged that I could always do freelancing especially now that I can see the potential I have in that field. Working at home does seem like a very appealing idea especially when your alarm rings at 5 am on a very rainy morning.

Yet I procastinate. I must give my intent to leave now – if they will let me go, I really do not think so – not after the performance I’ve set in in the past weeks (Trainee of the Week for 2 weeks.. hmm..). But I want to leave. I do want to rest for a while. Not be employed but rather stay at home doing odd jobs or freelance jobs. Not answering to any boss. Working at my own convenient time. Of course there are downsides to it but that is yet to be explored. 😀

I may get in trouble for this. I hope not though. In the end, I realized that although mental satisfaction can be provided by a job, compensation or salary is still an important consideration for work satisfaction. And if one or the other is not met, work quality suffers in the end.

Missed and Not Missed

10 Things I won’t miss in the BPO Industry

I won’t miss the controlled atmosphere. I won’t miss the fact that we need to call CCOD to ask for breaks or that after a break, we must go on auto-in at once lest we go on OB. I won’t miss the 10-minute total CR break for the entire shift.
I won’t miss the AHT, CSAT and QA advisories and audits.
I won’t miss the “Blocked by Websense” and the constant screen flashes indicating that the GTI is monitoring our computers.
I won’t miss the robotic opening spiel and the other spiels that although are unique to each agent, already sounds robotic due to constant over-use.
I won’t miss the unchallenging issues that keeps on repeating themselves day in day out.
I won’t miss the VR Sales!
I won’t miss the irate customers who, eventhough, is understandably frustrated, can’t comprehend that the other person on the line is a person himself and also has feelings and limitations.
I won’t miss the Log Bus and the ultra early pick-up.
I won’t miss the heavy queues or the excessive avail time.
I won’t miss talking almost non-stop about the same topic for almost 8 hours straight.

10 Things I’ll Miss about the BPO Industry

I’ll miss the kind and appreciative customers and their ear-flapping praises.
I’ll miss the bloopers incurred by the non-technical customers.
I’ll miss the daily IS chats with my guinea pigs.
I’ll miss the pizza nights and other apparently absurd theme nights.
I’ll miss Outlook, the email blasts and spams and my uber professional looking signature.
I’ll miss the pantry and the cheese cupcake and Big 250 Apple.
I’ll miss the team buildings and inuman days.
I’ll miss the stolen chats with a particular CCOD.
I’ll miss the fast rides with Kuya Adam.
I’ll miss the rec area and the Fuzzball and internet room.

Comparatively, the things I’ll miss are things I could work around with so as to have them back or things I could do without. The really important things – like work satisfaction and fulfillment are the ones provided by the new job that I haven’t been able to achieve with my previous job.

When I am asked why I left the BPO to become an MT (medical transcriptionist), I give the standard answer below, which I realized later on, is really true.

MT is the closest thing I could get to a medical career. I took up BS Bio with the intention of becoming a doctor but I realized that I could not cure patients and make them feel better for I lack the sympathy and care to do so. However, I am fascinated with the study of medicine. Yet for me to pursue medicine purely for education’s sake is a luxury I cannot afford. MT will give me the education I want while also filling my pocket.

Breaking Free — Soon

I need some life outside work. Something that will boost me up or make me see the multi-facets of the life I am living. I need to be able to have a life outside what I do, not to be too engrossed with where I am and to be free of the shackles that work forcibly binds me to. Even though most of my waking time is consumed by my job, I must not be consumed by it. Even if I get to do nothing else most of the time because of the nature of the work that I do, I must still force myself, try my very best to break free of its clutches.

When I was a student I thought that working will allow me the freedom I have dreamed of. When I was a student I thought working will give me the time to do the things I really want to do. Now I see that I was wrong. Being a student already gave me all the freedom that I had or wanted in life. I was just bogged down by projects and exams but apart from that I get to join organizations wherein I got to explore myself and hone my skills and abilities. I was even able to travel to various places because of my activities. When I was a student, my social network expanded to immeasurable proportions and I got to interact with a lot of people from all possible walks of life – from the poorest of the poor, like kids in an illegal settlement in UP to the old rich of Philippine society like Mrs. Judy Araneta. I got to experience life for what it was really like – how to live amongst the poor and how to move alongside the rich. When I was a student, I had a life.

Now I am working. I am earning my own bucks and making my own way in the world. Unfortunately, I am also not living the life I wanted; the life I thought of or imagined. I feel more than ever that I am imprisoned in a life bounded by very strict and stringent walls. And where there is nowhere else I could turn to except to get out the door. I desperately want to take the exit, while I am still able to see it – to go out in the open fields and experience freedom again like I’ve used to. Sadly, I am not at liberty to do that – YET. I have no doubts that once I get the green light to flee, I will flee. I will leave this prison I have gotten myself into – to enter another prison? I sure hope not. I want to leave and forever remain in the freedom the meadow offers. I know I can make it out there.

It is scary to live in the open meadows – unsure what would happen next, uncertain when the next meal would be. As much as imprisonment sounds dull and boorish, it still affords security – security of shelter, of food, of provision. Yet in life, or in my life, there are needs greater than security. Needs greater than basic provisions. If only I could get the green light for these things, there is no doubt that I will pursue the higher needs – needs of self-fulfillment like Maslow said.

But for now, I must content myself with this prison I am in. The meadow is always there on the other side. So long as I can hear the birds chirping, feel the rays of the sun shining through, smell the fragrance of the dew-stained grass, I will remain at ease; at peace that the meadow is still there, waiting for me.

work updates

after doing a moment’s worth of floor walk yesterday, i caught a glimpse of how newbies were managing their calls and thus their AHTs.

i also caught a glimpse of my personna which wishes to share all knowledge and skill known to me to improve their performance.

quite similar to the training session we used to have, and i used to conduct in my previous job.

i guess i’ll make a good team lead. but then again that will take time before that actually happens.

for now, i am content to know that i have managed to learn how to manage my AHT. that the reason for a long call is no longer due to the way i give out instructions or issue resolutions but so much more due to uncontrollable factors like the cust’s technical knowledge or the computer’s actual capacity to perform tasks.

and i guess this is the reason why i’ve plateaued in this work. why, i am suffering from brain damage. hehe. that’s too much.

oh well. gotta manage my breaks as well. so i’m off for now!

Braindead

Some people ask for promotion to gain more power or more influence. Some ask for promotion to get paid a higher salary. Still some ask for promotion to gain more popularity, credit or prestige. Not me.

I want to be promoted to ask for more workload; more assignments; more responsibility.

Call me work alcoholic, or insane or addicted. Call me whatever you like but deep down, the reason I want promotion so much is not so I could earn more, or be powerful or prestigious in the company but because I am so dead panned bored in what I am doing now.

I can say that I am a very adventurous person – well of course to a certain limit. But I like adventure none the less and I like feeling challenged most of the time. My life as a student was not a tad boring – I went out of my way to try various things to spice up my academic life. I was not content to just study my lessons and pass my exams (or even ace them). For me student life is to be defined by the number of activities you got to try; the number of places you got to visit in the name of academic exposure; the number of people you get to meet in various settings brought about by your extracurricular activities.

No wonder I exposed myself to student bodies and organizing committees; to school papers and school productions. No wonder when I was in college, I applied for 7 organizations in my first semester! Imagine seven! Each organization in UP has a set standard for how you will become a member – tambay hours, service hours, sig sheets, talent nights, costume weeks, etc. And to top all this I still have my acads to attend too. That was how busy I made my life as a student be.

There was never a dull moment as far as I’m concerned because I was always busy with something. My social network expanded like rapid fire due to the various and different natures of the orgs I was part of.

There were times when I became tired of all the hectic-ness (?) I turned my life into. There were times when I wished I could have been just a simple person, with simple wants, and living a very laid back and simple student life. But then right after wishing and dreaming of those things, and perhaps spending a day or two in quiet isolation, I would be back on the hectic midst of it all. I revel in the busyness of my life back then.

Imagine, my chagrin, when after merely 4 months into this job, I was already bored out of my mind. To think I even defended my line of job from my other friends who were also BPO agents, telling them that being a TSR is the most challenging of all accounts in the BPO industry since the TS issues are never same. Well, look at where I am at now. Yes, I am not handling account issues of customers (which I believe I won’t last a month of) but the technical issues they have are also pretty much the same. There are even times when I would already preempt the customer for the exact error or the exact issue since admittedly different individuals have different ways of describing the same issue.

And the very occasional, once-in-a-blue moon, unique issue – a question perhaps on how a less common feature of the product works – is like an oasis in a parched desert – bringing refreshment to my otherwise dead neurons.

I do not mean to brag. One might think I have perfect metrics to be claiming that I am bored with what I am doing – I don’t. My metrics are not perfect. There is still room for improvement, I know. And I still have a lot to learn – there is in fact a promotional post that I deem unworthy to aspire for due to lack of technical knowledge and skill. Yet the fact remains that with where I am at now, I am already bored.

And without my blog and the books I’m reading, or at least trying to, my neurons might be rotting away from lack of exercise; my soul from lack of challenge. And it doesn’t help a bit that I am without any extra-work activities (a parallel of my extracurricular activities) at this point in time. The culprit: my schedule which my body, I believe, is still adjusting to.

This, I guess, is part of the real world I have longed so much for when I was a student. Well, then, I guess all I could say to myself is: Welcome to the REAL world.

job fulfillement

job fulfillment. what is it really?

when i was young, i was idealistic. thinking that i could change lives through my job. not withstanding the salary. i had dreamed of being a barrio worker – a doctor perhaps. so that i could change lives. i believed service would be enough.

now i am more realistic. being in this industry, wherein fulfillment seems wanting. but salary is promising (if promotion is attained) – all hopes and dreams of service has been long erased. memories of a distant past. long forgotten.

but perhaps still awaiting some resurrection of sorts.

roller coaster ride

funny how work could really interfere with quality family time. funny how i sacrificed a lot to be near my family, yet still be near them then begin to be quite far. today my family went to cwc without me. they simply dropped me off work and proceeded to the place. not that i am really complaining. i knew my responsibilities. yet i also felt some sort of sadness at the missed moment.

funny how life could be such a roller coaster sometime. yesterday i was crying over a failed audit, today i received a commendation from a customer. and i just educated her about her mcafee. it was unexpected, of course, as most commendations are. and also it was a nice lift from a downtime feeling. but then, since i knew that commendations are really nothing more than morale boosters, and since i am such a competitive freak, i know that deep down what would boost my morale are metrics that would make me top agent and earn me promotions and appliance rewards. i know that i am not after high metrics for recognition. i am after high metrics for higher salary pay. talk about being mukhang pera.

this shift has also been a really tiring one for me. i felt like I’ve handled a thousand calls when in fact I’ve only answered 27 calls. but still, it is more than the usual. it just seems that most Americans are now finding it real cute to call technical support. well good for us because that entails more jobs.

whew. tiredness creeps in. sleep beckons.

i got his number. but the infatuation has really passed. he is just a friend to me now. a very convenient friend to have in this crazy industry.

failing an audit

Frustrations setting in. headache pending. Tears threatening to spill. All because of one audit.

I hate this. I hate that I am this affected by one silly failed audit. Back when I was studying, it was OK to fail. I could deal with it. I’ve failed perhaps a hundred times and I’ve survived. I’ve been to the worst possible failure scenarios and I’m still alive. But I guess when you’re working, failing does not seem like an option – not if you have a goal with a deadline. Not if your goal is connected to your survival – literal survival.

I have always been competitive but it is a competition that I set against myself. Human nature would inevitably dictate me to compare myself to others but common sense would prevail and would compel me to simply put myself up against myself. I am my own worst enemy and my toughest competitor.

Sigh. This really gets frustrating that I don’t even know where to begin expressing myself. Before actually placing these emotions and thoughts into writing, I must have had composed a dozen articles about the issue already. And this article is already a new one being composed real time.

The experience made me re-evaluate my goals and even the reason for my existence – what on earth am I here for? Which further emphasized my spiritual dryness – an inevitable thing I know I would need to face one of these days. The experience made me mad at a customer even though the call has long been over – who was she to say she wanted to talk to somebody else who could understand her? F*** she was really speaking fast! And much as I tried to ask her to please repeat she would be so impatient! Thinking back I would have loved to be a smart-ass and tell her, “oh sure go ahead and talk to somebody else. Hang-up now and call back, that would greatly save my AHT!”

*sigh* too much pent up emotions, I could see that now. What has this industry done to me? Is it now eating me alive? I am so bent up trying to perform well. No body sees this but me. No body knows this but me. And who is suffering but me. Why can’t I ever relax? I try to appear calm and nonchalant about everything but deep down I know I worry too much. I compete too much. I pressure myself too much. I’ve always been this wreck. College has removed that I know. Failing so many times in a course I knew wasn’t right for me but which I stubbornly stuck too did that to me.

I couldn’t show my face to my QA today. I was so ashamed of myself for failing. She must have thought I was pissed off at her. Little did she knew I was pissed off at myself.

I do my best in each call. Believe me I do. I’ve even went so far as to start recording in my planner my daily AHT. To be more proactive in watching my AHT status. Now I know I would have to watch my call flow, my adherence to QA advisories. And of course not to mention the all so important OARE/ORE, simply put CSAT or customer satisfaction.

I hope to get out of this loop in 6 months. But for now I must find the courage to enjoy this. To love it. To embrace it. I must find something worthy in it.

And I must learn to chill down.

competing

i have never been one who would actively compete when it comes to performance.

i am competitive yet i try not to show it.

but now, seeing what would happen to me if i do exert my competitiveness, i guess i have to do it.

after shift

my shift has ended and since i am too scared to go home this early, i’ve opted to stay behind, sacrifice some sleep, and face the sun.

i have managed to move my blogs from multiply to this site which is not so easily accessed yet also is uncensored. a site that would allow me to write freely about what i feel without fear that someone would be affected by it. of course it is still public but then as my friend said, my self-disclosure is so high.

what am i rambling about? i really do not feel writing now. i feel like reading. and i know what it is that i would like to read.

they say it is good to have someone who will inspire you to go to work. someone to look forward too. someone too keep you going. and i know i owe him a lot for the time he spends with me. if he only knew.

but then i also know deep down within myself that friends are all we’ll ever be. i’ve tried to run scenarios in my mind wherein we can transcend to more than just friends and i know that that would not be possible – at this point, that is. and maybe in the future. it would not be possible because my system wouldn’t completely accept the thought of us. there could be no us. just him and me. friends. workmates.

oh well. i better get reading. i sure do miss him.