Category: whatever

anything goes

Blogging in a Jeepney

Only in the province can I do such. Part of the charms of the countryside, apart from the refreshing fresh cool air, is the apparent sense of safety allowing me to take out my smartphone and blog to my heart’s content. Something I’ve longed for since time immemorial.

Plus the unhurried travel of the jeepney and the lack of stressful traffic in the road creates the ultimate mood for putting thoughts into paper, in this case online paper. But I know the moment won’t last. In a few month’s time I’ll be back in the midst of chaos. Blissful chaos I must admit. This laidback life will be a distant memory and I’ll be part once again of the stressful hubble of city living.

But I am not complaining. In fact I look forward to it. A change in scenery, in lifestyle; all for the adventurous me.

Cold

Cold. It is too cold. Yet it is late. Not quite but still late. The chill should have arrived weeks ago. This coldness should have been felt the same time the lights were lighted. But the trees were decorated, the carols sung and the gifts given when the coldness made itself felt -prominently.

Why was it late? Why had the heat extended way into the months that cold should have occupied? Global warming probably. A change in the earth’s weather patterns. A change in how the earth’s axis tilts. There could be a number of reasons. But fact remains.

It’s cold. Chillingly so. And it’s late. Whether it’ll extend its stay only time will tell.

sabog.

That’s how I feel today. Utterly sabog. I know I have a lot of things to do. Thoughts to process. Ideas to generate. Yet here I am wasting time after time, and all of them paid, generating nothingness. My mind is a total scramble of stuff. Do this. Do that. Think of this. Think of that. Yet no concrete idea comes out. I am an utter sabog person.

Perhaps it’s the weather. The coldness of the rainy season. A respite from the scorching heat of summer.

Perhaps it’s the new phone – finally! I’m so happy with the phone I now have. Boredom would certainly be out of my vocabulary for a very, very long time.

Perhaps it’s still the small twinge of sadness I have over losing him. I had hoped he would be my one and only.

But then again, everything we do is our choice. And it will also be my choice to continue being sabog or condition my mind to start working and moving forward.

And btw, this is a blog entry I wrote many days ago (closer to the time we broke up) but which I haven’t really posted. So here goes:

Funny the way life twists and turns. The moment you gain something so wonderful in your life, you start to lose something that was wonderful. But then again you pause to think, maybe the wonderful was not really wonderful enough and something more wonderful would come along.

Just as I was made the biggest offer of my life – an offer that would propel me to the pinnacles of my career ambition, I lost the love of my life. It was so ironic, the way that it all happened in one day. There I was in the morning, hearing wonderful career promises from my boss then there I was in the evening, wishing the day was just a nightmare as hurtful words were hurled at me.

But again, life is a box of chocolates, as they say. You can never know what you will get or expect. I still believe that as I slowly close the doors to yet again another failed relationship, I would receive a more wonderful one in return. Yes it was painful the absurd way we separated. All the negative emotions are there – pain, hate, anger, unbelief, mistrust – but one could either choose to dwell on all the negativity or rather focus on the positive things that came out of it. In all fairness, I was able to learn a lot in the brief span of time I was in a relationship – a relationship I thought was for eternity. I know I gained sufficient maturity and wisdom that in the next relationship, I will be more careful and more wise especially since I “play” for keeps.

And good thing that my career offer was so wonderful, it tends to erase everything else. Focus, paradigm shift, choice. Ultimately, we are responsible for how we choose to live our lives.

PS. I’m starting to suck with categorizing and creating tags. Goes to show I haven’t blogged for such a long long time.

after eons of inactivity

I know it has been eons since I last posted anything and believe me, I do lament the inactivity of my blog the past days, weeks even. Someone who used to write two to three articles a day, now goes by with days of inactivity. But then, as the new chapter of my life emerges, there are certain changes that I need to adapt myself to, and one of them is the hectic schedule. Plus the busted laptop charger.

In any case there are several things I would like to write about now – just so I could get those writing juices flowing and I could begin writing the narratives I am due to write. After these succeeding posts, only time can tell when the next batch will be.

funny lines

Iba nga naman ang nakaimbento o nakaisip ng mga linyang ito. Hindi yan original. Kalimitan dyan mga forwarded message. Pero dahil may nagcompile sa Bobong Pinoy Multiply Page, naisip ko na mapaskil ko nga rin dito. Enjoy.

“pinapaikot mo lang ako.
Nagsasawa na ako.
Mabuti pang patayin mo na lang ako”

– electric fan

“hind lahat ng walang salawal ay bastos! ”

-winnie d’ pooh

“Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad
kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo.
Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo”

-ipis

“Hala! sige magpakasasa ka!
Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo.”

-hipon

“Ayoko na! pag nagmamahal ako lagi na lang
maraming tao ang nagagalit! wala ba akong
karapatang magmahal?!?”

-gasolina

“Hindi lahat ng green ay masustansya.”

-plema

“Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako’y sau
ayoko ko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao
ganun mo na lang ako itanggi..”

– utot

“Sawang sawa na ako palagi nalang akong pinagpapasa-pasahan, pagod na pagod na ako.”

-Bola

“you never know what you have till you lose it.
And once you lose it, you can never get it back”

-snatcher

“Hindi lahat ng pink, KIKAY!”

-majinboo

“Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka mahirap
ba talagang makontento sa isa?
bakit palipat-lipat ka?

-TV

“hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin c”

-kili kili

“Sige, batihin mo ako…. Sigeee…..BATEEEEEE!!!!!!!!”

– omelette

“pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo,
babalik at babalik ako!”

-libag

“Anung kasalanan ko sayo, iniwan m nalang akong duguan…”

-Napkin

“wag mo na akong bilugin..”

-kulangot

“Hindi lahat ng hinog, matamis.”

-pigsa

“Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?”

-Lego

“Punyetang Buhay to! Itlog itlog! Araw2 na lang itlog!”

-Brief

“Wala naman akong ginawa sa kanya! Hindi na nga ako
gumalaw dito.
Ako na nga yun natapakan, siya pa yun galit.. bakit ganun?”

-Tae

“sige kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo!”

-deodorant

“hindi lahat ng dugo puedeng idonate”

– regla

“…akala ko ba, the MORE, the MERRIER??,
e bat nagagalit ka!??..”

-TAGYAWAT.

“..no matter how strong we hold on,
still there comes a time that
suddenly we fall..”

-butiki.
(nag eemote!)

“Ngek! Sira ka pala, eh! Alangan namang ako pa ang iiwas sa ‘yo para hindi ka mahulog sa akin! Hindi ko naman ginusto dahil mapapahiya ka lang…
“Don’t worry, hindi ko ipagsasabi na na-fall ka sa akin!”

– kanal

“Kapag namatay ako, ido-donate ko ang puso ko sa mamahalin mo… hindi para mahalin mo uli ako, kundi mahalin ka niya tulad ng pagmamahal ko sa ‘yo!”

– senti ng puso ng saging sa unggoy

“Panakip butas mo lang pala ako!”.

– Panty

“You never even thank me for making you happy, then you throw me away just like that. I hate you for using me, for making my life full of shit!”

– Tissue

“Kapag ang katawan mo’y nag-iinit, lagi na lang ako ang hinahanap mo. Maya’t maya mo akong ginagamit at pinapagod. Hindi ka na naawa!”

– Aircon

“Halika, bigyan mo pa ako ng init. Kailangan kong pumutok para ako’y iyong matikman at ika’y masarapan. Ayan na! Puputok na! Humanda ka!”

– Popcorn

Continue reading “funny lines”

randomly writing something

This post will be another random post. By random I mean I will just write as the mind dictates; as the thoughts flow. More often than not, my entries are articles I’ve longed thought of. By that I mean that I was not in front of the computer or a writing material when I thought about them or when inspiration struck. Usually I’m inspired to write when I’m riding a moving vehicle, staring out its window and noticing the world speeding by. I notice a lot of things, realize a lot of things and is inspired to write about a lot of things. The words even form themselves in my mind.

But when I actually sit down to write, the words somehow slip, like soap suds across a wet body. And I can write no more. I can only hope to catch glimpse and pieces of the fragments of the thoughts that so plagued my mind. 

Sigh. He will be gone for a complete four days. Gone from my solar system. I will be hearing nothing from him just when I managed to get the phone fixed and my day-off fixed so we could talk, he decided to make a trip somewhere. Not that I blame him. I mean, heck, he has every right to do that. And now he made an implicit request for me not to contact him. Apparently his girlfriend may get the wrong idea. Tsk. When I have a boyfriend will I be like that? Selosa. I hope not. I honest to goodness hope that my boyfriend will be trustworthy enough that I will have no qualms about him having close relationships with other girls and believing his word for it that they are just friends.

Well moving on. I cannot fathom why I have all the energy in the world today when just some hours ago, when I needed the energy while I was at work, I was listless as a limp fish. I practically slept during my calls! Good thing I have people to talk to at work, apart from the customers on the other end of the line, that had kept me awake. 

And since I have this energy boost, I might as well write about the things I’ve discovered and realized which I know I will be expanding in articles that are not random posts. By that, articles I have thought of and edited and mulled over.

  1. I have realized that I have been viewing life like a box of very bitter chocolates, by that I mean problems. As of late my memories are all tainted with my misgivings about life – my work usually. Now, I happened to go across this blog about a dying person’s attempt to chronicle the last days of his life and give inspiration to others, well it inspired me – a fully alive and healthy individual. I mean if this person can see optimism in life despite his circumstance then what about me? And as such, I am led to think about my current spiritual state. I lament that I am still unable to shape some sense into it when I know that the happiest and most fulfilled days of my life were days spent with Him. Yes, they were not free from problems but also despite the odds, I was still at peace and the satisfaction I felt was beyond understanding. I miss those days. I long to be back in His arms. 
  2. I have managed to form the most unusual friendships. And I am immensely thankful for that. Who would imagine that friendship is indeed possible between a guy and girl miles apart, have never met each other, sort of share a “history” and whose acquaintance is frowned upon by their mutual friends? Who would believe indeed? But then again it is possible. Possible to the point that lines can be clearly drawn, discussed and adhered to; even referred back to when needed. Possible to the point that there are no inhibitions as to the topics shared – topics pertaining to anything under the sun; ANYTHING. He said he now treats me as a little sister, well I am glad. I honestly hope I have found a brother in him.

Oh well, that’s it. My train of thoughts shifted so that I think I will be writing separate articles now for each of them. Oh well.

The mind after all makes processes so much faster than what hands or words can ever accommodate. I simply marvel at the sheer capacity of the mind.

I’m Still Here

I have lately been addicted to this song by John Rzeznik. And I would just like to share the song and its lyrics.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMGXq9_IQBQ]

This video has clips from the Disney motion picture Treasure Planet.

 

Lyrics:

“I’m Still Here”

I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard.
Or a moment that’s held in your arms.
And what do you think you’d ever say?
I won’t listen anyway…
You don’t know me,
And I’ll never be what you want me to be.

And what do you think you’d understand?
I’m a boy, no, I’m a man..
You can take me and throw me away.
And how can you learn what’s never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own.
They don’t know me ’cause I’m not here.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don’t feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
The don’t know me,
‘Cause I’m not here.

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I’m not afraid
And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can’t break me
As long as I know who I am

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don’t feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They can’t see me,
But I’m still here.

They can’t tell me who to be,
‘Cause I’m not what they see.
And the world is still sleepin’,
While I keep on dreamin’ for me.
And their words are just whispers
And lies that I’ll never believe.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don’t feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can they say I never change
They’re the ones that stay the same.
I’m the one now,
‘Cause I’m still here.

I’m the one,
‘Cause I’m still here.
I’m still here.
I’m still here.
I’m still here.

Source: just do a Google search 🙂

 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rtNcaQvFvI]

This is the original video showing John Rzeznik of the Goo Goo Dolls.

On Friendships and Knowing Myself Further

Sometimes I think I pretty much know myself – in and out. But then there are instances when I discover that there is still something in me I do not quite understand. For example, why am I embarrassed to face anyone or to be friends with anyone who gives me grades or something.

I know when I was in college, even in high school, that I dread facing my teachers whenever I get a low score or a low grade. Or when I fail to perform as expected. I triply dread the deal more when that teacher happened to be someone whom I knew as a person before I knew of him or her as my teacher – if you get my drift. And the same thing transpired to QA’s and audit scores.

I know that in a workplace everything is professional and nothing is personal. It is just professionalism if a friend, who happens to be your superior as well, will mark you down or give you a low score or a reprimand. It is not a personal issue; it is just a professional matter. Logically, I am aware of this. But then when I got my second failed audit from my QA, I admit that I wasn’t able to face her for days, much less to talk to her. Deep down I was ashamed of myself for failing and meriting such a low score. Of course, this was an opportunity for improvement or learning and I can see it as such (I took to heart my markdowns so I won’t repeat them). But the fact still remains that I was embarrassed to talk to her or even face her and ask her about the audit.

And such was my hesitation when my next QA started becoming my friend. At first I didn’t want to befriend him since I knew he would be one of my QA’s and he would be auditing my calls. For me, it was embarrassing if I make another goof up in a call. Of course, the other side to that was the challenge to always do good in every call so as not to embarrass myself.

Now why would I have such anxieties that even friendships would be sacrificed? The only reason I could see as of now is the fact that I have been raised up with people all around me expecting a lot from me. Being the eldest amongst three, I was constantly reminded to be a model sister. Finding out that I could excel in school, I was always under the constant pressure to prove my performance. Maybe it stemmed from that – the constant pressure to always be at my best because to not do so would mean others’ disappointment.

I remember my ComSci teacher back in high school, he would always appear sad whenever I was not the highest in class, or the fastest to finish a computer program exercise. It was sort of disconcerting to see him that way. And I know that if my classmates didn’t know me any better, they would think that I was really a teacher’s pet. But they know I hated the attention as well. So I guess it boils down to that – the fear to disappoint. Or maybe to be labeled as incompetent. I know it is illogical to think such but it seems there is a part of me that thinks like that.

Hmm…this shows that there are some parts of me that have yet to grow up.

The Little Frog

What boredom and too much break time spent alone does to the mind:

I happened to find a small, tiny frog perched on top of a ledge. He was overlooking the vast expanse of the green grassy field which in the night light must be appearing less green than usual. His eyes and his senses tell him that there is something out there worthy for him to explore. His stomach is grumbling and it forces him to seriously consider hunting in the vast expanse of the undiscovered grassland.

But alas! The height, which to a human being is but mere child’s play, is to the small frog a leap of life or death. He seriously considers his predicament. He walks or rather hops along the perimeter of the ledge, hoping to find a lower point where he could jump. But he couldn’t find any. And since his mind is so small and tiny, he cannot remember where was the point which allowed him to climb the ledge in the first place.

I was dying to scare the frog into jumping but I must let nature have its own course. I watched the frog for a few more minutes then I bid it adieu. It will soon learn its own lesson.

writer in me with nothing to write about

a while back i was itching to write about my topsy-turvy sentiments. now i can’t find the words to voice out my thoughts.

in less than 10 minutes i should be back at my station. i haven’t even eaten a morsel of my choco chip cookies. yet my mind wants to vent out whatever emotion it is keeping at bay. it seems i want to release something. yet i cannot. not at this instant.

it seems they’re all there — at bay. awaiting release.

why won’t release come? *sigh*

maybe hunger pangs is dulling my brain. silencing both the cerebrum and the hypothalamus.