work - Cerebral Insights

Breather

Days like this, I feel more than ever inept for the job I’m in. Not because I lack the skill or the discipline for it but because I feel like my skills, my abilities, and my talents are severely overlooked and underrated. Days like this I feel more than ever that it is time to quit. To look for a more challenging job wherein my full potential is exploited and the only reason I get marked down or overlooked is because I really do not have what it takes for the next step or the next challenge.

I guess I was placed on vacation leave, a rather unexpected one at that, to prepare me for the bad news I was to receive. Part of me does not think I should be blogging about this, for reasons that people I know will read about it, but then what is the purpose of my blog if I cannot share my sentiments to it. Besides, I have been talking a lot about politics the past days and I need to take a breather and talk about something else lest someone mistakes my blog to be a political blog instead of a personal one.

Maybe he was indeed better qualified. Maybe he was indeed a better candidate than I am. Maybe he had better stats than me. In any case, he was accepted for the position I believe I was fit for; for the position I knew I was supposed to have. I don’t even know why I was not selected. I guess they don’t tell you that. They just leave you to figure things out on your own – see where you went wrong and resolve it yourself. Maybe I was so out of the action last week, for very valid reasons that I do not know if they checked, and they thought that since my attendance was sort of erratic, I was sort of losing my touch and is a bit irresponsible for the job in question. Again, track records don’t matter I guess because they just have to look at the immediate and that’s it. You’re judged.

A tenured agent approached me and asked if I applied for the post. I think I have heard that question a dozen times already and I simply replied an unemotional YES. I don’t want her to see how upset I was for not being selected. She probed further if I got interviewed and by whom and when, and I just replied the standard answers to her questions. I asked her why she asked but she never gave a straight answer. She just smiled and left. I wonder why she thought to ask me. We were never close and I never disclose to anyone except my immediate supervisor my plans for my job.

Maybe I am being silly and immature. This is corpo world after all. Dog eat dog. Full of crap. Funny I ever considered working in the corpo environment, where I know people do step on people to reach the top; where I know connections have a way of creating favors skills cannot. Still it hurts. Much as I want to think well of the issue; make some graceful congratulatory remark; emulate Mar Roxas for his willingness to yield; I’m afraid that I am unable to. Tears constantly threaten to spill from my lacrimals and I have to stop them – I still have an 8 hour shift to fill in. Good thing I only have tonight and tomorrow night to work, then I’ll be going on my day off. I’ll be temporarily forgetting all this crap.

Another thing that really pisses me off is the survey I just got. It wasn’t even a survey for me but for another agent. But as with the case for these surveys, customers cannot really be blamed for wanting to express their opinions. It is just a glitch, and an unfortunate one at that, wherein agents will receive bad surveys for the bad service they did not perform. And now I am being asked to account for the DSAT survey and to analyze what went wrong with it. Well what went wrong was that the customer answered the wrong survey and it wasn’t his fault. It was the system’s fault.

I want to leave but sad to say I cannot. I do not want to leave only to move to a work totally wrong again for me. When I leave the work I want to transfer to is the work that I want, not another work that I’ll next hate. I do not want to create a string of hated jobs. But as of now I cannot pursue the work I want, not when the house financial situation is still shaky and somewhat dependent on me. I will need to wait. I have to. As of now, I have no other choice.

I entitled this post Breather because it is a breather from the political posts I’ve been writing about the last days. I feel like I’ve also came from a breather from the routine of work, a breather punctuated by the death of my grandfather and the recent buzz in politics; a breather that is now unfortunately coming to an end. I am again being sucked into the vortex of this relentless life as a call center agent – a hapless technician whose brain cells are dying from the rigorous routine of similar boring work issues.

A friend from work told me that life as an agent will never satisfy me. I need to get promoted to have a louder voice; a better perspective; a challenging duty. I need to get promoted quick. But with the changing ratings, the inconsiderate work rules and the questionable qualifications plus the feeling of utter disregard for one’s abilities, I have no concrete solid hope for ever climbing the ladder. Not that I really care. I just want a more challenging task.

And for that, the challenge I long for, the brain activity I crave for, I turn to other means. Work won’t satisfy so I must look for some other outlet.

Now back to those political discussions.

Addendum:

I just really want to know why. Why him and not me? But I am too afraid to ask.

work rants yet again

One moment of irresponsibility. A lifetime to pay for it.

Apparently, I’ve confirmed that I will never be able to get that apprenticeship post. I was not even endorsed for it so that my case could be reviewed and considered. There was even no decency to inform me that my application has been rejected. I had to learn through other, unofficial means that I won’t be getting the part because I wasn’t even qualified for the part in the first place. Maybe I should ask for my resume back. I could still use it and submit it elsewhere.

Then another thing that really pissed me off was that they just swapped my schedule. They said that if one did well in the metrics one will have the privilege to make a bid for his/her preferred schedule. I made my bid. I expected to get it. After all, I was one of the top agents of the team. I found out that the schedule was actually granted. BUT there was this agent who wanted to swap her schedule for mine. It was my day-off when all of this happened. By the time I got back to the office, the swap has been made and I had no say about it. They didn’t even ask for my permission. Oh yes they called me but it was four in the morning when they did! The whole house was asleep and everyone was awakened by the call – which I didn’t really get to answer. And when I asked my supervisor why he called, he didn’t even bother to explain why. I guess the bad news had to shock me first, without him in the office and without him hearing my angry tirade.

Oh yes I was angry. I was really pissed off. I work my ass off in this job, do all I can to be a good and worthy agent, try to deliver the best service that I can and the simple things I ask they won’t even grant. I want to say “to hell with them” but I have been raised a good Christian, had spent my college years growing up in the Lord, and I have learned that what would Jesus do (WWJD) in this situation is to turn the other cheek and say “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”

And so I hold my tears up. I just sniff and try my best not to cry; feign a convincible cheerful voice to my customer and do my best in my calls again.

But if before I try to take in as many calls as possible, to help lower the number of calls waiting and try to increase the service level, now I try to prolong a call as much as I can and even make use of the 1 minute after call. Before, I would almost lose my voice because right after I deliver my closing spiel to one customer I would immediately answer the next call and deliver my opening spiel. I don’t bother with the 1 minute after call. That was before. Now I make use of everything. I can’t accept it that there was this day when I took in 33 calls and did my best in each and because I had my AHT at only 12 minutes, I failed in that metric.

Nagpapagod ka na nga, kumakayod ng todo, babagsak ka pa. Parang mali ang equation. Mali talaga.

But then that is their decision. That is what they want. Who am I to question? Who am I to ask? I am but a small voice. A simple agent whom I’ve discovered they don’t give a damn about.

Post Script:

Well the day ended well. All’s well that ends well. I got an interview for the QA Apprenticeship so it seems that I actually got endorsed. And my sup was indignant that my schedule got swapped so he rectified it even though he had to go through a lot of channels since India had plotted the sched already. Oh well. Guess the day ended fine after all.

One moment of irresponsibility. A lifetime to pay for it.

And so I hold my tears up. I just sniff and try my best not to cry; feign a convincible cheerful voice to my customer and do my best in my calls again.

Nagpapagod ka na nga, kumakayod ng todo, babagsak ka pa. Parang mali ang equation. Mali talaga.

But then that is their decision. That is what they want. Who am I to question? Who am I to ask? I am but a small voice. A simple agent whom I’ve discovered they don’t give a damn about.

Post Script:

regularization !?!?

I signed my regularization papers today. For all my talk about boredom, disillusionment and dissatisfaction I still managed to last 6 months in the job enough to be regularized. And it wasn’t a bad 6 months because I managed to earn a score that would allow me a 15% salary increase – not the maximum increase possible though.

When I saw the paper, and the amount of my increase, I was tempted not to sign it. I couldn’t bear in my heart to accept what was written. My eyes had tears – not of delight but of disappointment. I remember the time when I was almost finished with school; I told my roommates that when I apply for a job I would not settle for a gross salary less than Php15, 000. Well I was idealistic then and I was in Manila. I believed that I was worth that much and I could earn that much. (How ironic when I had already experienced a work where I could earn a monthly way, way higher than Php15K. But that is another story.)

Things and circumstances have changed then. I am now working in the provinces, in a job that is supposedly high-paying but is actually not, and with a salary that even with the 15% increase would still take about 2 months to become Php15K. A far cry from my expectations right?

Of course I don’t really mind the small salary (most of the times) because I’m living with my parents and as such I have no solid obligations like rent and lodging, unlike when I was living independently back in my college days. My only obligations now are the DSL bill and the wants of my siblings, the latter of which is optional, subject to my goodwill. But one always have a sort of life one wants to lead and time will come when I will venture out in the world once more – again an independent soul. When that time comes I’m afraid my salary may not be at par.

My mom reprimanded me for having such high expectations. I should have lowered my expectations in life and in work so as not to be gravely disappointed. A friend also told me that I am too idealistic and have too high expectations of things and that I should change that – be more pragmatic and lower my expectations in life. I countered, “So I should lower my standards then.” He said not the standards, just the expectations. But aren’t they the same? Don’t you have high expectations because you have high standards? One of the things I’ve learned in life is one should expect the best of a person always, so that one would live up to that expectation and thus perform at his best. Doesn’t that translate to life or situations as well?

I do not deny that I have high expectations for myself and my life. Just as I have high hopes and dreams. I do not want to settle for something less than that. I know my capacity and what I can do or achieve. I cannot rest if I know that I am not fully taking advantage of what I have or who I am. I will forever yearn to make the most of myself always. I cannot settle for mediocrity.

Now do you blame me for resigning from this job when everyone seems to be telling me to stay put for practicality’s sake? If I stay, say another 6 months, I believe that by then I would have been reduced to mediocrity. All the fire within me will have been extinguished and I may be reduced to living a sub-standard life with no passion or flame or desire for the stars.

I will not let that happen.

a rare moment of insanity (and irresponsibility)

I know it was immature and irresponsible. I know it goes against all my principles and my personality. But I had to do it. I had to be irresponsible and immature – just for once. Just this one time.

Why? I cannot exactly tell. Maybe it was a way of telling the world (or myself) that I can also go against the tide; that I can also be reckless to the point of stupidity; irresponsible to the point of foolishness. A lot will berate me for my foolishness; my inconsideration. But although it was a regrettable action, I can’t help but admit that if you strip the regrets and the disappointment, I’m actually glad of what I did. I actually believe that what I did resulted to more good than harm – for me and my work, even for my sanity.

What the heck am I talking about? Simple. I just went NCNS (no call, no show) from work the day before my day-off. You could also call it AWOL (absence without leave). And although I was perfectly aware of the protocol, I disregarded it, doing things my own way. My reason? I don’t want to add insult to injury by giving a lie, however conceivable, to my planned absence. I wasn’t absent because I had some excusable sickness. I was absent because I simply wanted to. Because I felt that my sanity demands it. I know the consequences of my absence. I knew what would be affected. I was prepared to face it. I accepted the consequences. Furthermore, I knew that no serious part of my job would be compromised. Heck! The company or queue could survive a day (or night) without me.

Continue reading “a rare moment of insanity (and irresponsibility)”

jumping buses

Have you ever tried jumping inside a moving bus? Well. I did. Today.

It all started when I didn’t sleep during the time I was supposed to be sleeping in order to prepare myself for my 9pm-6am shift. I knew at that time that something was definitely wrong in my system. I am never this irresponsible when it comes to work. But then I found myself sleeping during the time I was suppose to be preparing for work already – another big NO-NO.

Apparently, it seems I was pushing myself to some unknown limit. And sure enough, I found myself not wanting to show up for work anymore. The desire to be absent was so strong, I even moved slowly despite the fact that the time clearly shows I was almost late. By the time I was supposed to be leaving the house, I was just eating dinner. I was bound to be late, that’s for sure. But surprisingly enough, I was not the least bit concerned, nor was I irate when the jeepney I rode on moved like a snail.

By 8pm, when the shuttle bus was suppose to leave from the pick-up point, I was still several kilometers away from the pick-up point. By that time, I had already concocted schemes in my head as to what I’ll do if the bus leaves without me. I was debating between option 1: wait for the next bus and be 1 hour late for my shift or option 2: commute to the work site and risk getting raped.

To my surprise, when I arrived at the pick-up point, I saw the bus was still there but just as I was briskly walking towards it, the glorious bus started moving – it was leaving without me! I begun running towards it but halted midway – not wanting to look like ShanCai running after some bus with oranges spilling around her.

So instead, I ran a different route in the hope that I’ll meet the bus at one point. I must have looked odd – running past drugstores, banks and bakeries pass loitering people but then I have always been odd. I’ve always wanted to be odd and obscure though I must admit I fail at both endeavors. Either I appear plain and thus obscure or I appear odd and immensely noticed.

Thankfully, I managed to catch the bus and I flagged it down though I think the aged driver didn’t see me even though I was wearing a bright yellow shirt. Mercifully, the bus was running at a snail’s pace and I managed to jump inside it.

And with my heart thumping loudly, as if it would explode out of my chest, I gracefully flopped down to the next available seat. So much for excitement. So much for adventure. At least I’ll be entering work slightly invigorated.

Have you ever tried jumping inside a moving bus? Well. I did. Today.

intregrity compromised

Ganito ba talaga pag nagtratrabaho na? Darating ka sa isang punto na mamimili ka kung konsensya o pera ang paiiralin mo? Kung magiging practical ka o gagawin mo ang alam mo na tama?

Simple lang naman ang nangyari. Wala naman holiday last payroll, at wala din naman akong approved OT last payroll pero sa payslip meron akong additional 152 pesos dahil sa special holiday OT.

Masaya di ba? Nadagdagan ng 152 ang sahod ko. Pero nakakalungkot. Kasi pakiramdam ko nasusukat ang integridad ko bilang tao. At sinusubukan ang pagka-Kristiyano ko.

Oo na. Inaamin ko. Hindi na ako mabuting Kristiyano kagaya noon. Hindi na ako nagdadasal at matagal na matagal na since huli akong nag-quiet time. Lasingera na rin ako at hindi na nagsisimba. Pero buo parin naman ang loob ko at and konsensya ko at ang bagay na to, sobrang hindi kinakaya ng sarili ko.

Nagsabi na ako sa sup ko. Sabi ko hindi kaya ng konsensya ko na wag magreklamo. Ikinagulat nya yun. Kung nabawasan ang sweldo ko ng hindi tama sa oras, alam ko na magrereklamo talaga ako. Aba! Wala naman may gusto na maging underpaid di ba? Pero bakit kaya pag overpaid ka, walang gusto magreklamo? Sabi ng sup ko, nangyayari talaga yan. Pabayaan ko na daw kasi di ko na yun problema. Wag na daw ako magreklamo.

I guess I don’t have much support from that area. But then again, I cannot take this. My conscience is screaming at me! I feel like if I passed up this situation, my integrity might be, again, corrupted. (I feel that it has been corrupted by all the cheating issues back in trainig days and with the required exams we need to take).

And once corruption starts, it will continue on. It will be like a worm, first eating a small hole that would gradually grow larger. If my conscience can take to be silent on this small instances, what would happen when the amount becomes larger? Or the instance becomes graver. Isn’t this exact scenario the case why there is corruption in the country.

Being dishonest in small things lead us or train us to become dishonest in bigger things. You may say I am over-reacting over a meager amount of 152 pesos but the fact is I am really disturbed. I am. I even had to go on break and blog about this just so I can air out my sentiments.

***

Apologies to those who I know would be shocked by the outburst on my spiritual state now. Friends, I am but human, and though I know this is not a valid excuse, forgive me for I do err.

AHT and contentment

Looking at my AHT for today’s shift, I am led to wonder about contentment. And as such I again philosophize on something as simple and mundane as an AHT.

When I was a new agent, they said I need not bother with my AHT – even when it was soaring high above the clouds. They said I will eventually learn how to control it. Little by little, I did. Before, when my AHT was between 18 to 19, I was happy. When I was able to get 17, I was happy with 17 and bothered when I reach 18. Then when I happened to reach 14, I was bothered with 15 or 16 or 17. Now I had 10 and 12 or 14 bothered me. Contentment? Satisfaction? When is enough, enough?

Maybe I just lack goals. I admit that I didn’t really push for my AHT to be anything lower than 19. Secretly, I am happy if my AHT rating is at 5. That is enough for me since 5 is the ceiling. Problem is, I do not know if 19 merits a 5 or not. Maybe it does. Maybe I need to ask.

In any case, I find AHT the funniest metrics there is in this industry. Everyone is concerned about it. It is updated by the hour. It is the readily observable metrics and the one that causes most agents to turn irate or impatient. Yet, it constitutes only a small portion of the over-all “grade”. AHT, I believe, is sometimes overly emphasized just because it is the readily observable metrics. It is overly sensationalized. And yet, the customer is not even aware that such a thing as an AHT exists. They are aware that there is a survey and they are aware that customer satisfaction is being measured, but they are by no means aware that the time they spent with an agent is limited.

And so, as the cliché goes: which one is more important – quality or quantity? To the customer’s eyes there is only quality. To the agent’s eyes, quantity often supersedes quality. And we are often left to create a balance which sometimes requires a compromise on some point. Then again, I believe that there will come a time when, after being on the job for a long time, we will learn that delicate balance between quality and quantity.

PostScript: After this article was written, AHT updates are no longer blasted by the hour. And even by the day. Yet I do not claim that this article inspired such. It must have been just a coincedence.

work updates

after doing a moment’s worth of floor walk yesterday, i caught a glimpse of how newbies were managing their calls and thus their AHTs.

i also caught a glimpse of my personna which wishes to share all knowledge and skill known to me to improve their performance.

quite similar to the training session we used to have, and i used to conduct in my previous job.

i guess i’ll make a good team lead. but then again that will take time before that actually happens.

for now, i am content to know that i have managed to learn how to manage my AHT. that the reason for a long call is no longer due to the way i give out instructions or issue resolutions but so much more due to uncontrollable factors like the cust’s technical knowledge or the computer’s actual capacity to perform tasks.

and i guess this is the reason why i’ve plateaued in this work. why, i am suffering from brain damage. hehe. that’s too much.

oh well. gotta manage my breaks as well. so i’m off for now!

giving up on work hang-ups

There are days when I think I will not last in this job and then there are days when I could see myself moving on to the next step. Lately, I’ve been having misgivings about where I am now – ending up unhappy and disillusioned at this sad but practical turn of events in my life. Yet I must say I’ve managed to cope somehow – buying newspapers and looking for news items or opinions that are worthy to write about.

Lately my blog entries were more of opinions on the issues plaguing our country than the issues plaguing my system. I must have grown tired of analyzing myself too much and ranting about the unusual and unhappy circumstances of my life so I diverted myself to the larger picture or scheme of things. Well, this diversion has somehow made my mind think less of what I have now and somehow it made me a tad happy.

Yet I must say that the repercussions to my body are a bit too much. In order for me to write such articles I had to read up on the news and opinion columns of the national papers and after that I had to formulate my articles. And since these are serious articles, I have to do some editing and some thinking when writing them. And as such the endeavor has left me with little sleep and little rest. To top it, I have to still spend some quality time with my family who are the real reasons why I decided to forego a higher salary in an urban job.

And now I must admit that together with the threat of hypotension, my mind or head feels so heavy and I think I am in for some serious dizzy spells. The queue is quite light – for the moment – and I have a lot of avail time. I could catch some sleep if I want to but I dare not for fear that when I open my eyes, everything would be hazy and I would be unfit to continue with the day’s job.

I must say that the appeal of being a writer – be it freelance or employed – does not ever leave my senses. I could still visualize a life in such a setting. But I must contend myself with what I have now and excel in it. And since I want to combine two things or force to impose my happiness on my practical job, the post of a QA is the most appealing. Because I don’t need to face any other people, that is talk to customers, in order to perform my job. I just need to face the computer and do reports or audit calls. And if I am suffering from hypotension or dizzy spells, due to lack of sleep from doing another job apart from my paid job, then I could still make palusot in the job I have.

Does that make sense or am I simply too stoned now to even make sense of myself? My brother had candidly discovered that if he has poems stored in his notes, I have blog entries. It seems that even when I am just alone with my phone and I have nothing else to do, I have the incessant urge to put my thoughts into writing. And so I revisited the notes section in my phone and was surprised though pleased, to find some blog entries in it. Too bad I haven’t discovered yet mobile posting that time. And too bad I do not take full advantage of it. For if I do, I must have more than a thousand posts in my blog now.

work hang-ups: part1

Disgruntled. Dissatisfied. Depressed. Disillusioned.

What do you do when you have a dream – a dream that is eating you up every second of your waking moment? A dream that threatens to engulf your every thoughts and make you dissatisfied with what you have. I am a naturally content person with simple wants and simple dreams. Yet the point is – I have a dream – a dream I long to follow and see if it would suit me. A dream that I know would haunt me for the rest of my life if I don’t do anything about it. A dream that I would always want to pursue, have always wanted to pursue.

I dream of writing to my heart’s content. I dream of reading my name in print – be it as a byline in a newspaper or a magazine I dream of having my own byline I dream of something else – something that is not what I have pursued in my 5 years of college education Something that is not what I am doing now.

Back in university, I live by the maxim: DO NOT LET YOUR EDUCATION INTERFERE WITH YOUR LEARNING. I’ve learned all I can despite that my education was something I really didn’t want. I’ve learned all I can despite that my situation was something really far from my heart. I made do with what I have, confident that I could use my learning, if not my education to pursue my dreams, my ambitions.

Now I have a job, a job brought about by necessity, a job brought about by practicality Now I have a job, a paying job, a job like any other jobs – at least I am not unemployed. For this I know I am thankful. For this I know I am blessed. Yet this is not the job I want nor the job I’ve dreamed of. Should I go on living the university maxim? Should I apply that to this scenario? Would I always go on learning under circumstances I do not wish for nor long for? And would the time ever come when I would be learning under circumstances I’ve dreamt of?

My heart yearns to write, yearns to learn how to write, yearns to improve and develop her own unique style. My heart yearns to make a mark on the publishing world. My sense of challenge yearns to face the challenges of a struggling writer. I yearn for something else.

This dissatisfaction won’t serve me If this continues I will forever be disgruntled,dissatisfied, depressed and disillusioned.

And it wouldn’t be healthy at all.