Category: Love Bug

andito ako. nag aantay. andun sya. nag jjam. anong hinhintay ko? ang text nya. ang tawag nya. magkatext at magkatawagan kasi kami. kung hindi lang sya inaya ng mga kaberks nya na lumabas. bakit ako nagttiyaga na magantay ng ganito? kasi mahal ko sya. kasi naiintindihan ko sya. pero minsan naitatanong ko rin sa sarili ko. tama ba to? o sadyang ka-martyr-an lang?

at dahil wala na akong ibang kasama pa, ikaw na aking blog ang pinagbuntong hiningahan ko na lang. lampas alas dose na ng gabi. madaling araw na kung tutuusin. dapat natutulog na ako. pero eto magbblog para wag antukin. magkatext kasi kami. sya kasi nag request na wag muna ako matulog. pano kung sabihin ko na matutulog na ako at awayin ko sya? hindi ko rin kaya. ako rin ang mapipilitan humingi ng dispensa sa huli at unawain na lang sya.

ang lungkot. kasi masaya naman kami kung tutuusin subalit bakit sadyang may mga pagkakataon na hindi lang talaga nya maintindihan o magawan ng paraan na maging maayos? madaming beses pakiramdam ko ako at ako na lang ang uunawa at mag aadjust. tapos pag naiparating ko to sa kanya, sya ang may gana na magsabi na “eh di wag. iwan mo na ako.” at ako naman ang hindi kakayanin yun at sadyang babalik sa kanya.

pero minsan naisip ko na tama ba? na trinatrato nya ako ng ganito? tama ba? na ganito kung pano ako haharap sa mundo na sinasabing ako ay umiibig at iniibig? ganito ba ang pag-ibig?

hindi ko daw sya sinuportahan. kasi mas pinili ko daw ang death anniversary celebration ng lolo ko kaysa samahan sya kung kelan down na down sya sa trabaho nya. kasama ko naman sya sa unang mga oras ah. sabay naman kami naghapunan at dininig ko ang daing nya at sinabi ang nasa isip ko. ipinarating ko naman sa kanya na kung hindi lang ako sinabihan ng nanay ko na umuwi na ay pipiliin ko parin na damayan sya. inalok ko naman sya na sa bahay muna namin tumambay dahil sasaglit lang ako sa death anniv. imbitasyon na tinangihan nya.

bakit minsan pakiramdam ko ako na lang ang kailangang gumawa ng lahat? pakiramdam ko ang mga efforts ko hindi naman napapansin bagkus natatabunan pa ng mga maliit na pagkukulang na kung tutuusin ay hindi pagkukulang kundi limitasyon na inimpose ng environment sa akin? minsan naiisip ko ang daya naman. ako na ang lagi umiitindi. ok lang naman sakin yun pero sana ma appreciate, sana mapansin at wag na akong makarining pa ng kung anu anung komento na hindi ko naman sya minahal kasi hindi ko naman sya kayang damayan.

nasasaktan sya? nasasaktan din ako. bakit ganito? bakit?

ang tinutugtog pa ngaun ng winamp ay: should i give up? or should i keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere?

is this relationship leading nowhere? i promise pa naman that i will remain true and committed to him and this relationship. but i cannot let it work one way. relationships doesn’t work one way.

minsan sumasagi sa isip ko.. ayoko na. ang hirap naman nito. parang ang daya daya. pwede bang back out na? pwede bang wag na lang. ako na lang. sarili ko na lang at ang blog ko at ang Dyos. tama na tong kahibangan na to.

bakit ako? ang lawak ng pagintindi ko. bakit sa kanya ang kitid? bakit hindi nya maintindihan ang limitasyon ko. ginugusto ko naman damayan sya pero sadyang hindi pwede. tapos dahil dun balewala na lahat. balewala na ang mga emails na basta basta ko sinusulat para sa kanya, ang mga pinapagawa nyang signages na kahit sa oras ng trabaho pilit kong gagawin.

sigh.

mahal kita (deleted). kung alam mo lang kung gano ka grabe.

Gosh. How I miss this. Being able to simply pound away on the keyboard each thought, each word as it springs forth to mind. Damn! I do miss blogging. Wish I could do this more often.

—

GPS really rocks! I mean, I used to drink 2 bottles then get really dizzy, haven’t experimented yet if I can drink 3 bottles in one night, but perhaps I’l try. Then again, feeling a bit depressed, I drank one bottle tonight, what a drinker I am, and poof! I got hit – hard! Perhaps I lacked practice.

—

Now why drink you may ask? What problem do I have? Let’s see then if I can pour it out.

—

I love him. So much that I gave so much of myself already. I left nothing for myself. Retribution is not too late. I can still go back and give some love to pretty little me. And that I choose to do – in the upcoming days.

Darn. I now sound as if I’m pep talking myself which I really am doing now. Darn. So much for all the angst I’ve rehearsed into writing earlier. But let’s see if I can get to that.

—

Nah. I can’t. The words just won’t spring to mind. Now all I want is for us to be ok. But heck I’ll keep my side. Not to be prideful, no, but rather, for once, I deserve to be wooed. If I keep doing the wooing, I would lose all self-respect. I would forever be the failure.. forever the wrong person.. and I would believe that. And he would forever be the spoiled brat.

No. I have to keep my feet.

But damn! This is so freaking hard. I love him too much. There is nothing left for me. All the love I have I poured out to him. I gave him ALL of me. And he wants so much more. More than I can offer. But I try to. Heaven knows, I do.

But one mistake and poof it’s one hell of a BIG thing! And I feel as if I have to keep proving myself. As if I have to keep on toiling and toiling. Is this the love I deserve back? The love I get for the love I give?

Feeling ko, kahit tanggap nya kung sino ako, as he says, I still have to keep working hard. And if I fail, if I make one mistake, I have to pay for it. Dapat mag suffer ako, na hindi kami maguusap at ako ang mag-aayos. Dapat magtiis ako, na di ko alam anong nangyayari sa kanya.. na alam ko may iba sya na ka text.. may possibility na mawala sya at iwan nya ako kasi ako masakit sa ulo.

Feeling ko, I have to please him, the WHOLE DARN time coz if I don’t, mag aaway kami, at ako din ang mahihirapan. Feeling ko kung sino ako dapat magbago – instant – para sa kanya. Mahal ko sya di ba? Dapat lang.

Pero bakit ganun? Love ba talaga un? Or is it merely forcing a dream to become a reality. Sya magrereklamo sa kapalpakan ko pero ako hindi pwede magreklamo sa mga pagkukulang nya. In the end, madami kami nagiging unrealized expectations na nauuwi sa di pagkakaunawaan. Pilit magccoommunicate, pero wala naman naccommunicate ng tama.

—

Ang sakit na. Kaya ko pa ba? Sana. Mahal ko sya eh. Yun yun eh. Mahal na mahal ko sya. To the point na natatanga na ako para sa kanya. To the point na andaming rules, values at kung ano-ano pang prinsipyo ang binali ko na para sa kanya. Ang tanga tanga ko nga.

Pero mahal ko parin sya. Mahal na mahal.

Kaya ang sakit. Ang hirap. An dami expectations. Di ko na alam if kaya ko pang gampanan lahat. I try naman eh. But I guess my best wasn’t good enough.

Hindi ako iyaking tao. Pero dahil sa kanya, balde balde nang luha ang iniyak ko. Ilang gabi na akong naging luhaan. At 3 buwan palang kami. Hanggang kelan ba to?

Ito ba talaga ang pinagtyagaan kong hintayin ng pagkatagal tagal na panahon? Ang sakit na nararamdaman ko na? Ang takot na bumalot sakin kani-kanina lang na napalitan ng poot dahil di kami magkaintindihan at ngaun nauuwi sa lungkot dahil di kami magkasundo.

Ito ba yun? Is this love? Or is it just plain craziness?

Was I even sane to enter this relationship in the first place? How come its bringing me so much pain and sadness instead of happiness? First 3 months pa lang, mas madami na akong iniyak kaysa tinawa.

—

Bakit ganun? Bakit kung mahal natin ang isa’t isa bakit lagi na lang akong umiiyak? Mugto ang mga mata. Malamlam ang pakiramdam. Pero gusto ko parin na nasa tabi kita. Gusto ko parin na makasama ka sa habang buhay ko. Pero gusto ko maayos natin to. Magagawa pa ba natin? Bakit ang hirap?

Ang dami mong hinihingi. Minsan natanong ko.. inalam mo ba ang gusto ko? Pero ayoko nga na magkaroon tayo ng pagkadami-daming unrealistic expectations sa isa’t isa.

Mahal naman kita eh. Caring naman ako. Iba lang nga ang paraan ko. Pero ginagawa ko naman sa abot ng makakaya ko ang paraan ng pag care na gusto mo ah. Di ko lang makuha bakit konting mali ko lang, parang ang laki na sayo. Parang pakiramdam ko nabura na ang lahat lahat.

At dahil di ko masabi to ng harapan sayo, bakit ka ganun? Nagbago ka na. Dati palagi mo ako tinetext din ngayon hindi na. Tumigil ba ako sa pagtanong kung kumain ka, pagsabi na nakarating na ako sa office at nakauwi na? Pero ikaw, kailangan ko magassume palagi na nagising ka ng late at nagmamadali pumasok sa trabaho tapos rush hour kaya di mo na ako matext. Tapos pagod ka na sa gabi kaya di mo na ako kayang kausapin pa. Tapos malalaman mo may katext kang iba. Ok naman pinaalam mo. Pero nagawa mo na eh. Sino ba ako para kumontra – dating ko pa nyan possessive na kontrabida. Pero alam mo ba na wala na akong ibang ka text bukod sayo? Antay ako ng antay ng reply, yun pala sa iba ka nagrereply. Ok lang naman kausapin mo sila. Pero sana kausapin mo din ako.

Sabi mo mahal mo ako. Di mo ako iiwan. Pero bakit pakiramdam ko iniwan mo na ako. Matagal na.

Minsan inisip ko, baka in love ka, sa thought or idea na kung sino ako, ang ako na gusto mo maging, hindi kung sino talaga ako. You’re in love with the thought na sana, ako na nga. Ako na ang babaeng papakasalan mo. Pero hindi mo naman ako tanggap, kung sino talaga ako.

Alam mo ba na kengkoy ako na tao? Na pag inabot ako ng kakengkoyan sobra ako magbiro, halos baliw na? Na minsan, out of the blue, nahahampas ko ang isang tao, hindi dahil nananakit ako, pero dahil nangigigil lang ako? Alam mo ba na mahilig ako mag Ingles ng Ingles – yung maarteng pagsasalita ng Ingles – hindi sa nagpapasikat, pero dahil nagpapatawa lang ako kahit ako di tumatawa.

Minsan hindi ko alam kung kilala mo talaga ako. O nagbabago nalang ako para sayo.

Alam mo mahal na mahal na mahal kita. Kaya nga tanggap ko kung sino ka pa man. Pansinin mo. Bakit kaya lahat ng away natin dahil sa ako ang may pagkukulang? Dahil ba talaga un sa may hindi ako nagagawa o dahil ba yun na sa pag ikaw naman ang may hindi napupunuan na pangangailangan ko, tinatanggap ko nalang na sadyang hindi ka ganun. Na ang pagmamahal mo iba sa pagmamahal na inexpect ko.

I love you without expectations. Ibig sabihin nun, inalis ko na sa isipan ko ang preconcieved notions ko of what love should be all about. Dahil mahal kita.

Gusto ko maging masaya tayo. Pero bakit ang hirap hirap?

Ewan ko. Feeling ko guinea pig ako o hamster. Ikot ng ikot sa gulong. Paulit ulit. Kahit anong gawin ko may kulang. May mali. Kaya wala akong mapatunguhan.

Mahal mo ba talaga ako? Bakit ganito nararamdaman ko? Na I have to prove myself to you? Na I get so scared, may mali ako magawa, galit ka na sakin.

Bakit ako? Di ko magawa magalit sayo. Ilang beses ko na sinubukan. Try as I might na isipin lahat ng pagkukulang mo rin sakin hindi ko magawa. Sobra. Mahal kita eh.

Ang tanga ko nga siguro. Kasi hindi kita kayang tiisin. Hindi kita kayang iwan. Hindi kita kayang wag mahalin.

So here I am. Back to the world of blogging. Gosh. How I miss the sheer liberty of typing away in the keyboard, word after word, of pent up emotions cascading to rhetoric questions. I’m glad to finally have a phone that had Wi-Fi access but the QWERTY keyboard and the small screen takes some getting used to. But certainly, it’s a good shot at blogging while on the go – as if I have so many times for that. But then, a blogger’s gotta do what a blogger’s gotta do. But this post isn’t about my regressions in the blogging world, neither does it aim to applaud my (hopeful) regular return, rather it is a post on what love is, how does love work and what does love do as I have witnessed and been witnessing in my life the past couple of weeks.

Yes, dear reader. I believe I am in love. The worst kind ever. The love that has made millions of intellectuals stupid; the love that has been the downfall of the most wise in history. I am in love to the point of stupidity. Some would say it is not love at all. My friends would admonish me endlessly that I need to wake up to reality. But I am in love. Not entirely happy but in love. Even my mind would sometimes swish back and forth at the utter stupidity of my heart. But this, I surmise, is love at its worst.

How can I say that? How can I claim to be in love yet admit without inhibitions that I am stupid for being so? Simple. Because I believe that love is when you are able to accept the person no matter the bad qualities he has; when you are able to remain patient with him despite everything; and when you are able to understand where he is coming from thus resulting in acceptance despite what others say or think.

Yes, I love him. That’s why despite everything, despite the pains and hurts, the temper and bad words, the fights and arguments,I still put up with him. Sometimes I do question myself why I’m still here for him but then I know it’s because I love him. Am I stupid for doing so? Maybe I am.

But I understand his past. I know why he is like that. And I know that there is so much more inside of him; that he has so much potential; and I want to help unleash that. He has been hurt; he has been in pain; he has been suffering for the longest time imaginable. I long to free him of his pain and his suffering. I won’t be able to do that, I know, but I can help him and guide him to the right path. Well, I certainly hope so.

But late at night, I find myself asking the question, to which I know I do not have the answer. Until when will I be able to hold on? Until when will I be able to stay put? Until when? After so many hurtful words have been said? After so many pains have been inflicted? For how long? I do not know.

One thing I do know. I love him. And for now, that is true.

For two weeks, he hasn’t contacted me. For two weeks, I’ve been hurt and in pain. In that two weeks, I’ve been slowly moving on. Last night, we saw each other and talked. He wanted to patch things up. He wanted for us to get back together. I tried to tell him the many things I realized I didn’t like about the relationship. It was either he didn’t understood me or I didn’t communicate properly. Because it seems nothing has changed.

I should have written down the many reasons I realized as to why we wouldn’t work out. He told me he was finally ready to settle and he wants me to be that girl. That I was perfect for him. But I found myself disagreeing. I maybe perfect for him but he is not for me.

Can I have intellectual conversations with him? I think not. Intellectual would be the kind I have with my guinea pigs and my HPs. Conversations that discuss various points of view about life; conversations that are full of positivity without getting too idealistic. Conversations that extend for hours because you just love the exchange of ideas.

I don’t think we would work out because he makes me feel unvalued, unappreciated and unworthy. He says I’m perfect but the way he criticizes is biting.

I don’t think we would work out because he can’t seem to listen. I don’t think he even realizes how hurt I had been. Or even acknowledges that he had his fault in the breakup. I don’t even think he said sorry.

We wouldn’t work out because he doesn’t know how to be thoughtful. And I have to wring my hands in frustration when the woman in me longs to be wooed and it doesn’t happen.

We wouldn’t work out because he can’t seem to be happy for me and what I achieve. He seems to be so fixated on his seemingly ill fortune he can’t be happy for the success of others. Neither does he take action for the fulfillment of his own success.

And simply, we wouldn’t work out because the love has slowly ebbed away. And I just have to make that decision to let him go.

If he wants me back, he has to prove it and earn it. We just couldn’t go back to the way things were.

tagal ko na hindi nag bblog. siguro dahil nakalimutan ko ulit bakit ba ako nagbblog. siguro dahil nahihiya ako mag blog kasi hindi ko nga matapos tapos un libro na dapat sinusulat ko ngayon. siguro nahihiya ako kasi magbblog ako eh ung cliente ko pa nmn na nagpapasulat sakin ng libro ay avid reader ng blog ko.

in any case, pasensya na lang sa mga foreign readers ng blog ko kasi ngayon wikang sarili gagamitin ko.

ano ba sasabihin ko? ano ba kkwento ko? una baka isang taon lang abutin ng bagong site na to. baka after a year bumalik rin lang ako sa dati. o baka di lang tlaga ako sanay. pero nahihirapan ako sa daming rikusetos na dapat alalahanin sa pag maintain ng sariling domain. mas ok na ata ako sa libre. tutal yung blog para lang naman talaga sa personal expression ko. mas ma-appeal lang ang may sariling domain kasi. o baka hindi lang ako sanay na may sarili na akong domain. baka nga. well may isang taon akong i-try. kung di ko magustuhan eh di balik na lang ako sa dati. sana maging flexible na lang ang wordpress at payagan na nila mag embed ng mga kung ano-anung plug-ins.

isa lang naman talaga gusto ko ikwento ngayon. SIYA.

oo in love na ako. love na ata matatawag dito. ewan ko ba.

minsan di ko rin maintindihan. pilit iniintindi ng utak pero di nya magawa. takot ako minsan baka niloloko ko lang sya at sarili ko. sinasabing mahal ko sya pero hindi naman pala. pero pano ko nga ba malalaman na mahal ko sya. pano nga ba?

sapat na ba yung gusto ko sya makasama ngayon palang? makasama sa habang buhay para sabihin mahal ko sya? sapat na ba yung tanggap ko kung sino man sya – kahit oo nga magkaibang level kami at kahit sino magsasabi hindi kami bagay. sapat na ba yung pag di ko sya nakausap hinahanap hanap ko sya at pag andyan sya sabik ako kausapin sya?

sapat na ba yung nung mag away kami pilit ko pinaintindi ang magulo kung isip na sa ibang tao alam ko mawawalan na ko pasensya at sasabihin ko ayoko na. hassle ka. badtrip ka. quits na lang. sabi nga nila mas madali ang mag quits na lang. pero pinilit ko parin i work out yung away namin para maging ok kami.

in love ba matatawag ang nagkakaroon ka ng mugtong mga mata na di mo alam. mugtong mga mata na tanging pagluha dahil sa pag-iyak ang naging sanhi? pag-iyak na di mo alam talaga kelan mo ginawa dahil lahat lang ng natatandaan mo ay ang sama ng loob na dinulot nya? sama ng loob na naayos naman.

in love ako sa kanya. tanggap nya kung sino ako. ang baliw na takbo ng utak ko na alam ko pilit nya sinasakyan kahit minsan siguro nosebleed na sya. ang nakakalbo kung ulo. ang mga tabang naguumapaw. ang mga kapangitan ko sa umagang bagong gising. ewan. alam ko tanggap nya sino man ako. di ko nga alam bakit. di nga kami talo.

ibang iba mundong aming ginagalawan. kahit personality types namin magkaiba. sabi ng kapatid kong psych ako daw ay isang cognitive na tao. palaisip hindi masyado sa pakiramdam. sya daw aphe na tao. mas in tune sa pakiramdam. ako heartless, cold, insensitive. sabi nga ng isa kong kaibigan sobrang grabe daw kasi kaya ng utak ko mag transcend ng lahat ng subjectivity sa pag handle ng mga emotionally delicate situations na parang hindi na ako tao. sya naman, konti konti lang magtatampo na.

pole ends. pole opposites. kami yun. kaya minsan di ko alam bakit ko sya minahal. o minamahal. kasi sabi ko nga sa kanya ang pagmamahal ko pa unti unti. nag ggrow. samantala sa kanya, instant – automatic, all encompassing. minsan ako natatakot para sa kanya. kasi sobra na yung pagmamahal nya para sakin. kahit sya natatakot din. natatakot para sa sarili nya. kasi alam namin pareho na pag nag break kami – sya ang higit na masasaktan.

ewan ko ba. dahil ata sa cognitive nga akong tao alam ko na oo masasaktan ako pero baka hindi naman ganun kasing sakit. pero sya alam ko masakit na masakit na sobra. pero bakit ganito. ngayon pa lang sinusulat ko o iniisip na mag bbreak kami, baka, in the future, naninikip na dibdib ko. hindi naman grabe. just a small throbbing pain. di pa nga nangyayari – nasasaktan na puso ko? may nangyayari na ba sa puso ko na hindi na alam ng isip o utak ko.

at ang mga mata ko. bakit lagi nlng ata sya luluha? bumabagal na ata utak ko.

minsan di ko alam bakit ko to pinasok. sabi ko nun ayaw ko mag boyfriend. sagabal sa oras ko. dagdag sa aalalahanin. alam ko naman kasing hindi simple ang relationships. complikado. kailangan ng effort from both sides. lalo na sa simula. lahat din ata ng hiniling ko sa boyfriend sa unang tingin hindi nya na meet. sabi ko nun gusto ko ung boyfriend ko mahahatid ako, masusundo, mabibitbit mga gamit ko. oo tunog nga parang boy o katulong gusto ko. kaya ayun. binigyan ako ng boyfriend na sa malayo nagttrabaho. na hindi ko makakasama sa matagal na panahon. para daw malaman ko na hindi boy ang kinuha ko.

yung dalawang inflexible standards ko, hay hay hay, sila pa ang nabali. una, hindi kami same religion. i’m not even sure if he’s saved. second, hs grad sya. no college educ. so sa mata ng pamilya ko, sablay ang second criteria na dapat matalino. pero i don’t think naman na bobo sya. hindi naman dahil hindi nakapag-aral ng college isang tao eh bobo na sya. sabi nga sa UP do not let your education interfere with your learning.

pero magaling sya sumayaw. tuwa ako dun. at may plano sya sa buhay. masipag at mabait. same pa kami ng paniniwala about marriage and family. and in fairness, kasal ang end point na nakikita sa relationship. hindi relationship for the sake of relationship lang.

hay. to think grabe ako magpasensya sa kanya. as in grabe. i never had much patience with anyone before.

pero why is there fear in loving him? is it because i fear really loving then getting hurt? is it because i fear that i may really meet someone else? someone better? but i have always believed love is a decision.

eck. i am still confused.

i decided to blog after so long kasi nung nag away kami sinabihan ba naman ako na ginagawa ko daw syang blog. kasi naman mag eexplain lang ako ng ayaw ko o gusto ko ang haba haba pa ng sinabi ko. diretsohin ko na lang daw sya. hindi daw sya blog.

gosh. now i’m crying.

kasi pilit ko ginagawang issue yung faith differences. parang gusto ko mangyari, hindi ka born-again, di tayo pwede. di kita pwde mahalin. pero nacoconvict ako ni Lord. bakit Sya. wala naman si Lord pinili mahalin ah. ako nga super makasalanan minahal nya. tas ako ayaw magmahal. ako nga hindi rin born again pero minahal nya. tas ako ngayon ina-ask nya magmahal di ko magawa. gagamitin ko pa Sya scapegoat para wag mag love. ako na sobrang binigyan nya ng love, ako na minahal nya ng sobrang unconditional, ako ngayon yung hindi magmamahal. ayaw magmahal. takot magmahal.

hayz. love. complicated.

Once again, I made a great folly in the avenue called love. These follies never seem to leave me and even if I should have been smart enough to know them by now, still I am not the more wiser. These follies have happened in real time and cyber time. My past “beaus” may attest to that. I can still recall one guy who had refused to help me carry my books even though he was clearly walking me to my dorm. According to him, if he helped me carry my books, I may mistake his intentions that he again liked me. And then of course there are just the plain indecent ones, who would lead you on in no certain terms then dump you cold when you ask them to be more direct – after you have fallen of course.

Just why is it in the nature of men to be so charming even to girls they “don’t like” and for girls to be so gullible to such charms even if they know that sometimes such charms are empty? Or is it that boys normally like to ooze out their charms in no certain terms to girls and see how receptive the girls are to it and if they like the reception they go further and if not then they move on, regardless of what effect they already had on the girl? Is it really true that there are guys who by nature are naturally sweet to ALL girls? Enlighten me please.

Or maybe I am the only one in the planet suffering from such gullibility over such age-old customs that girls should have wizened up to. I am not heartbroken, if that is what you think. The mind loves and it cannot be broken. The heart is just a glorified blood organ. But I am mystified. Mystified over the whole scenario of things.

Since I wasn’t able to tell him point blank what I wanted to say, and since I treat my blog as a rant and rave of anything, then let me post here what I wanted to say to him. Apologies again for the readers expecting more intellectual and informative articles. For now, the blog serves my own selfish purposes.

I guess I have to be direct to the point so you will understand. Guys can become so dense sometimes. Your words made me think something else was brewing on between us. Although of course I was not stupid enough to consider any chances of a relationship between us. And I know you realized that. I know you know I would never accept anything from anyone I have never actually met. Then again, half of everything must have been my fault. You must have read something else from my words and my manner of dealing with you. Well I own up to that. But I wish in the future, even if it is indeed in your manner, that you do not tell girls you love them then follow it with “mwah”’s without end. Don’t flatter them that they are the only ones who have appreciated you that much, yadda yadda yadda. I know I was at fault for reading more into what was said. Blame it on my over reactive heart (alas! A reference to the glorified blood organ). Oh well. Let’s just say I was thrilled, even started considering what may be between us, only to find out you found someone else. 🙁

**

Thinking about it, funny I still have these issues when I rarely go out nowadays. Ah. Life is intricate indeed and well worth living. A toast to life and love!

Some guys could be real assholes. Some girls can be real naive.

What was he thinking leading her on like that? What was she thinking falling for him like that? With the setting that they had, it was obvious nothing could happen. It was obvious nothing would come out. Yet they persisted on, to whose folly, no one knows.

He continued charming her with his charms. She continued falling for his endearing words. He should have stopped, seeing how he was already attached and there was no way she could find out. She should have done more careful research on the guy’s sudden change in relationship status given all the social networking sites in the internet today.

But no. He continued to pretend nothing changed. She continued to remain blind.

But things left in the open will soon be seen. So she saw. And now she resents him.