Tag: sex

Confessions of a Non-Virgin: I Took A Vow of Purity and Broke It

Note: This article was made a long time ago. Then I took it down only to bring it up again. I was inspired to be brave about this after I gave my testimony to church during our seminar on love and relationships as God has designed it.

May Jesus be glorified in my weakness.

-Author

A friend tagged me in a link shared across Facebook. It’s about how a girl made the purity vow when she was 10 years old only to end up regretting it although she was able to remain chaste and pure until marriage.

I was tagged because when I was 16 – as I was beginning my college years, I made the same vow of purity and told all my friends about it in the hopes of inspiring them to do the same. No one outside my church did. Yet they remembered me for my zeal in advocating purity under the banner of True Love Waits.

Fast forward to my early yuppie days, I confess that I’ve broken the said vow. The effect was disastrous. I saw myself as dirty. I saw myself as someone who have sinned. My early sexual experiences, although with a guy I loved, always ended up in guilt and shame. I did not enjoy the act as I am wrapped up in thoughts that I have sinned; that Jesus is probably sneering at me; and that I have already broken my vow. Further on, the feeling that I have soiled my body; that I am now damaged goods and that no other man would want me except my boyfriend forced me to confine myself to a slowly decaying relationship bounded to a man who at first was the epitome of love then subsequently becoming the epitome of cruelty.

Having a vow then breaking it wrecked my otherwise healthy perception about myself, my body and my life.

Yet, I do believe that there is a God and the He loves me – virginity or no virginity.

Slowly, after a year of traumatic sexual experience, my mind was opened and I started to love myself again. I began to see that Jesus loves me despite what happened. I began to see that despite of me still being sexually active, He still loved me and He is not condemning me. I began to see that sex need not produce guilty feelings in me. That sex was good and pleasurable. That I was not damaged goods and that any guy would be lucky to have me. There was nothing wrong with my desire to master the art of sex by reading and feeding my mind – mind you, not with porn but with educational materials on what sex is all about. I began to see that sex is not dirty and that it is an act created by God. That it is something good that came from the Maker of everything good in this world.

My mind was slowly transformed. And as my mind transformed, my heart and my body followed. I began to desire again purity – this time not because I viewed sex before marriage as something evil but because I wanted a pure experience with my future husband. It’s because I have began to understand that sex is such a pure and pleasurable act that I want nothing more than to share it only with the guy I married.

I began to long for that one man who will be by my side for a lifetime and who can share my mind, my heart and my body. That guy who I will be confident enough will be by my side through good and tough times. That guy who won’t leave me. That guy who will grow old with me. After several failed attempts, I began to realize that that guy will only materialize after marriage. For any guy, no matter how seemingly perfect and ideal, without the blessings of a marriage can still slip away and not be part of my forever.

And so I pity the author, for indeed she has been deluded into making and keeping a vow she didn’t quite understood. Although the vow had good intentions, the way it was explained and executed could have been tons better. Ten-year-old’s are not supposed to take vows of purity. They haven’t reached adolescent yet and are not in the position to make such decisions about their body.

Likewise, a vow of purity is not just for girls. It applies to boys too. And only those who fully understood what the vow meant must take it otherwise they are making a foolish vow.

Did I make a foolish vow way back since I broke it eventually?

I did understood what I was getting myself into. I was a teacher of TLW (True Love Waits) and I knew what I was teaching. Being pure and abstaining from sex before marriage means no unwanted pregnancies, protection from STD’s, no broken hearts and less emotional pains. And yet, despite knowing all these, I went ahead and broke my vow.

But as I said we have a gracious and loving God. He forgave me. He took away my guilt. He restored me and told me I am still righteous before His eyes. And His promises remain true.

Yes, I have been sexually active. Yes, I have engaged in pre-marital sex. Yes, I broke my purity vow.

But I am not condemned. I am not unloved. I am no longer guilty.

Instead, I am well-loved, forgiven and accepted by Jesus. And He can still and will use me mightily for His kingdom.

PS. I deliberated whether to post this and make it public. I debated if I am divulging too much of myself especially to people I know who might hold me in some pedestal or another. I do not wish to offend sensibilities or crash hopes. I am merely speaking aloud about a topic that in my opinion has remained taboo despite the fact that everyone’s been doing it. I firmly believe that it should be discussed in an educated manner and not left to the media to glorify and bring about wrong notions. Pre-marital sex is a reality that society has to face. Simple explanation of the bees-and-the-birds followed by a stern warning of “no sex before marriage” is not enough given how media portrays sex in every channel available. 

The author’s conclusion of: “It’s your body; it belongs to you, not your church. Your sexuality is nobody’s business but yours.” to a point rings true. Parents, church mates, pastors, advisers, friends, etc. can all have their opinion on your sexuality and how you go about with it but the ultimate deciding factor is yourself and not them. But, if you have led a life or want to lead a life acknowledging that Jesus is Your Lord and Savior (the only precursor to salvation), then your body and your sex life, is something that you will also have to submit to Him. 

Don’t be afraid. Jesus is not a kill joy. He will not kill your sex life. In fact, He will give you a much better one. After all, it was Him who invented sex.

Related Articles – What Other Christians Are Saying About Pre-Marital Sex:

The global Church really needs to reassess it’s practical views on topics such as this and realise that it is in an inevitable war with an increasingly explicit society, where porn is so accessible, and many young people will grow up with an obscure expectation of what sex is. In order for the Church to better educate unmarried people on what a loving, sexually active relationship looks like, it needs to speak up and it needs to get over the fact that there may be plenty of strong Christians in sexually active relationships, and this does not make them any less a follower of Christ.

AlexJGuest from Faithful Remembrance

As someone who followed all of the rules and waited until I was married to have sex, I was assured that I would be guaranteed an easy and rewarding sex life. When reality turned out to be different than what I’d been told, I was disappointed and disillusioned.

Lily Dunn, Guest Post on Irresistibly Fish about the Lies About Sex – 4 Part Series

Saving sex for marriage is not a guarantee that you will have great sex, that sex will be easy, or in some cases, that sex will even be possible. All it guarantees is that the person you fumble through it with will be someone who has already committed to love you forever. To me, this is still SO worth it.

Lily Dunn, Guest Post on Irresistibly Fish: Lies About Sex Part II: The Myth of the Magical Wedding Night

#Y: A Journey of Personal Catharsis

I don’t have much experience with indie films – or films in general – but I do know that Cinemalaya films are a must-watch for they expose issues in society rarely discussed and much less shown on film. And so, I made it a goal to watch a Cinemalaya film this year – finally after being cooped up in the province for so long where Cinemalaya is virtually inaccessible.

With so many great films to choose from, I didn’t know where to begin. A friend recommended #Y and it being about my generation, I opted to watch it. And so, at 9pm on a Thursday night, there I was, alone, in Greenbelt, watching #Y.

I didn’t really know what to expect from the film. The reviews were mostly vague. And nothing could have prepared me for the film’s effect. Seemingly shallow at the beginning, the more I dwell on it, the more it exposed issues inside of me – issues I have been too afraid to disclose; issues I have set aside and never really dealt with. It was not your usual indie film. It didn’t just expose issues in society – it exposes issues within yourself.

And so, after almost a week of having seen the film and after countless discussions with friends, officemates, myself and even the director – here is my take on the film and how it has purged me of my own personal demons.

SUICIDE

The overall apparent theme of the movie was suicide. The trailer unapologetically led people to believe it was a film simply revolving on sex, drugs and alcohol and never really gave a hint that it was primarily about suicide. Hence it was a shock when the film opened with the main character – Miles (Elmo Magalona) – lying on the pavement, in his own pool of blood.

And from there, it was a flashback to how it all began.

The suicide theme was softened by Miles’ comedic monologue. I found it funny when, even while lying in the pavement, apparently dead, the audience can still hear his thoughts – about how dying by jumping off a building, despite being really fast, was in fact, very painful.

BBC-Sherlock-Season-two-cliff-hanger

No one really knew why Miles would commit suicide. In fact, his family and friends all pretty much had good opinions about him. They saw him as having everything he could wish for and living a pretty much good life. No one knew why he would do it. But I do.

And that I have expounded here.

SEX

Sex was another overriding theme in the movie. It tackled how sex is the norm in today’s generation and how the days of Maria Clara and sex-after-marriage are seemingly down the drain. My mom would have a fit when she reads my exposition on sex – and my vast knowledge of it but such is the reality of things.

Continue reading “#Y: A Journey of Personal Catharsis”

Call Center Agents: New Target for AIDS/HIV?

In the past, HIV/AIDS has been confined to sex workers, drug addicts and gays. That is no longer true today. Recent hospital reports show that the surge in HIV/AIDS cases in the past 10 months included reports from young professionals, notably call center agents.

It is no secret that in the past years, call center (or BPO) centers have mushroomed in the country, not only in the Metro but also in far-flung provinces. With the recession the US is facing, multinational companies began outsourcing their customer services to Third World Countries where the cost of labor is cheaper. Our government, in its desire to provide more jobs for the unemployed, jumped at the opportunity despite the many health risks posed by this new industry.

If before the health risks associated with the call center industry were merely hypotension (low blood pressure), anemia, unorthodox sleep schedules, ruined bioclocks, lung cancer (if you keep smoking too much) and cirrhosis (if you keep drinking too much), now another risk has been associated to the industry – HIV/AIDS. Well, of course, if you engage in unprotected sex.

But the acceptance of casual sex within the industry is something that is quite alarming. It has been reported that FUBU (or F*cking Buddies) have become a common trend and people engage in unromantic, casual sex especially when in the night shift. Just how casual sex is related to the work involved, I cannot fathom. Could it be that the toxicity or the stress of the work involved had led call center agents to detoxify or de-stress themselves through sex – casual, uncommitted sex? Or could it be the lack of sufficient sex education – on what is sex all about, that has led them to view sex as something as casual as changing clothes? Or maybe, the influences of the West has finally fully manifested itself on our shores that we even share not just their preferences for fast foods, credit cards, and way of clothing but also their casual views on sex? There are too many questions left unanswered.

But what all of this tells us is that, sex has become something common place in our society. It has become prevalent. The need to keep it safe must become a top priority health concern of the government. Unless we want the label of the only Christian nation in SouthEast Asia with the highest AIDS/HIV incidence.

It is time the Church opens its eyes and ears to the reality that sex is as commonplace in the country as drinking and smoking is. This is no longer the time to mince words or operate in subtle meanings. It is time the government takes action – solid and concrete actions; not just plans or empty words. The need for education, on what sex is all about, should be now. People should be informed on all accounts so they could make intelligent decisions.

And the place to begin would no doubt be, not just the schools, but the call center companies as well. Of course, this does not imply that the only recent cases of HIV/AIDS are call center agents. There are other alarming new additions to the traditional list of people at high risk of HIV/AIDS but the most glaring additions are call center agents who are young and educated professionals.

News Source: HIV cases soar among Filipino yuppies, call center workers

Is Sex Still Taboo in the Philippines?

 

This, by far, may be the only post in this blog that would discuss anything remotely related with sex – my observations and opinions of it. Unfortunately, it will not digress to my experiences of the matter as I have little or no experience of it at all. What I do know about sex is that it is something performed by almost everyone yet discussed by almost no one. My brother recently saw his ex-girlfriend, already 4-5 months pregnant, and she was only 17 years old. Apparently, the people engaging in pre-marital sex are getting younger and younger.

Is our country, then becoming as liberated as the Western culture she so idolizes? Has our country already forgotten the virtues of virginity and the sacredness of sex as something to be treasured till the wedding night? Perhaps the bombardment of movies and TV shows, both local and foreign, that showcase some amount of pre-marital sex in their plots encourages the teens and young adults of today to experiment with something purportedly glorious yet inculcated as forbidden till wedded.

A guy friend of mine was shocked when I candidly brought up the topic of sex in an otherwise normal conversation. He was not used to discussing sex with a girl, apparently. Yet I countered that how can sex be a taboo topic in conversations when everyone seems to be doing it already. Why not talk about it openly, reminiscent of something like Sex and the City, and perhaps in doing so gain more understanding and education about the matter. Why continue to downplay it as if it is some hideous act that needs to be screened or censored. My friend was amazed at how liberated I can speak about the topic when my beliefs about it, I must admit, are traditional. My concept of the act is liberated but my perception of when it should be done or performed and with whom is traditional.

I adhere to what my parents have taught me that sex is sacred and should be within the boundaries of marriage. Yet I also believe that people should be informed more about what it is, what happens, how it happens, how it feels, thus justifying why it should be saved for more appropriate circumstances.

I asked my friend about his sexual experience – how does he find and if it is something that you would crave on a daily basis once you’ve tasted it. Was it as glorious as what the movies and racy paperbacks portray? He answered me with an empathic NO. Sex was not as wonderful as what the movies and pocketbooks lead us to believe and it is not something one would crave daily. I can hardly believe his answer. My perception of the act is something mind-blowing; something exciting; something glorious. Perhaps if it was performed in the right time with the right person and in the right boundaries, it would be.

Sex was created by God long before sin entered the world. See Genesis 2. Adam and Eve had sex before they committed the original sin. Therefore, sex is not something dirty as what prude elders sometimes warn youngsters about. Yet before they had sex, God first blessed the union. They didn’t have sex without God first joining their hands in marriage. Of course it wasn’t stated whether theirs was a mind-blowing and wonderful sex but I bet it was. It was something not tainted with guilt or worry – guilt that they are doing something their parents warned them not to do (yet) or worry that they may acquire some disease or unwanted fruit. It was a worry-free, blessed union and I bet they enjoyed every moment of it.

Now that is the kind of sex I want to encounter. I do not deny (and again, those who will read this and will see me or know me personally please don’t react) that I am liberated when it comes to sex. Yes I’ve watched some porn (not a habit though), read magazines and pocketbooks and is versed with positions and other stuff related to sex. I do not think it is really something I should be ashamed of. I am just studying something I would be doing in the future. Heck, I even know the physiological aspects and explanations of what happens during the sexual act – thanks to my Bio education.

And so I look forward to it. But much as I want to experience it right now, I know that I will never do so until I meet the right guy and we have been joined in the eyes of God.

 

*Note: The opinions stated are mine and mine alone. I do not condemn anyone nor do I preach anything about sex. I do not even wish to impose this to other people knowing that everyone is entitled to live his or her own life.

Sex and the Philippines

Why all the fuss over the Hayden Kho sex scandals? It’s not like this is anything new in the Philippine entertainment scene. I can still recall the Ethel Booba sex scandal’s some years back and although the current sex scandal is of a different angle, it is still somewhat on the same level or caliber.

 

Hayden Kho

 

 

I agree with what Philippine Star columnist Wilson Lee Flores said that such a scandal had merely deterred our attention from the more scandalous events happening in our country – and by that he was referring to the more hilarious albeit graver circus we call politics. He claims that the current scandal had distracted our minds from the more important issues surrounding the national elections next year such as the fact that at this point in time, we still don’t have any clear-cut idea how the automated elections will take effect. This scandal had also deterred our minds from the more serious facts like our country decreasing in its global competitiveness as determined by the Institute for Management Development, a Swiss business school or the fact that our country might face an “educational crisis” as predicted by the UN Development Program. The scandal has also served to deter our consciousness from the glaring fact that our government offices are overstaffed with workers paid to do basically nothing! No wonder when I visit our local municipal hall, I see more people – government employees – passing the time away chatting with each other or watching the t.v. or getting a pedicure. And I am not alone in the experience, I have friends who can attest to similar experiences. The sex scandal had also served to obscure from public knowledge the UN Committee Against Torture’s “grave concern” over the apparent violation of human rights committed by the Philippine’s own police and military personnel.

Mr. Flores had indeed candidly summarized in his article dated May 24, 2009 (The Philippine Star Sunday Lifestyle Section I-1) what the fuss over the Hayden Kho sex video scandals had screened from public knowledge. Not that the above-mentioned knowledge were really kept secret, it’s just that who would really take time to dwell on these things when there are juicier and racier news to read about or when there are more sensationalized videos to look for and download. Indeed who would care about the sordid affairs or state of the country when the sordid affairs of several private individuals are more appealing.

What, indeed, does this reflect in us as a nation? Or perhaps as individuals? Yet in defense, one might say that scandals such as these are mere diversions from the more serious and graver issues of our society. Yet I admit that I am at a crossroads on this one – whether to condone such diversions as necessary or as a liability to the nation during this critical times.

Then again, the fixation over this videos, reveal that we as Filipiinos have become liberated from our more conservative views on sex and what it should really be. Added to the fact that birth control methods are widely disseminated and might even be included in mainstream education, our society and culture had indeed been heavily influenced by the West more than we could imagine. It started with the foods we ate, then became the clothes we wore, followed by the music we listened to and the movies and shows we watched. Now, the influence had spread to how we view a supposedly sacred act.

I believe time will come when more and more young people would be openly promiscuous – I say openly because it is a hidden albeit known fact that there are a lot of sexually active individuals now. It’s just that they are not that open or expressive about it. The number of magazines in the country with sex-based themes – magazines like FHM, Cosmo and Playboy – all attest the the openness of the Filipino society to this once taboo topic. Even the rampant love scenes in local movies and soaps show how sex – as something that should be openly discussed – has been generally accepted into society.

Indeed our country is changing – it is evolving. Towards a better end or a bitter end, only time will tell.