#Y: A Journey of Personal Catharsis

I don’t have much experience with indie films – or films in general – but I do know that Cinemalaya films are a must-watch for they expose issues in society rarely discussed and much less shown on film. And so, I made it a goal to watch a Cinemalaya film this year – finally after being cooped up in the province for so long where Cinemalaya is virtually inaccessible.

With so many great films to choose from, I didn’t know where to begin. A friend recommended #Y and it being about my generation, I opted to watch it. And so, at 9pm on a Thursday night, there I was, alone, in Greenbelt, watching #Y.

I didn’t really know what to expect from the film. The reviews were mostly vague. And nothing could have prepared me for the film’s effect. Seemingly shallow at the beginning, the more I dwell on it, the more it exposed issues inside of me – issues I have been too afraid to disclose; issues I have set aside and never really dealt with. It was not your usual indie film. It didn’t just expose issues in society – it exposes issues within yourself.

And so, after almost a week of having seen the film and after countless discussions with friends, officemates, myself and even the director – here is my take on the film and how it has purged me of my own personal demons.

SUICIDE

The overall apparent theme of the movie was suicide. The trailer unapologetically led people to believe it was a film simply revolving on sex, drugs and alcohol and never really gave a hint that it was primarily about suicide. Hence it was a shock when the film opened with the main character – Miles (Elmo Magalona) – lying on the pavement, in his own pool of blood.

And from there, it was a flashback to how it all began.

The suicide theme was softened by Miles’ comedic monologue. I found it funny when, even while lying in the pavement, apparently dead, the audience can still hear his thoughts – about how dying by jumping off a building, despite being really fast, was in fact, very painful.

BBC-Sherlock-Season-two-cliff-hanger

No one really knew why Miles would commit suicide. In fact, his family and friends all pretty much had good opinions about him. They saw him as having everything he could wish for and living a pretty much good life. No one knew why he would do it. But I do.

And that I have expounded here.

SEX

Sex was another overriding theme in the movie. It tackled how sex is the norm in today’s generation and how the days of Maria Clara and sex-after-marriage are seemingly down the drain. My mom would have a fit when she reads my exposition on sex – and my vast knowledge of it but such is the reality of things.

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SUICIDE – How I Overcome It: My #Y Personal Catharsis Series

The main overriding theme of #Y was suicide. When I asked the director why he made a film about suicide – and if that is really the norm in my generation – he straightforwardly answered YES. Studying in the U-Belt area, he claimed that it was a normal occurrence for a student to simply jump off the building. In fact, the number of students who commit suicide are never really reported for most of these kids belong to well-known families who would rather keep everything private.

Come to think of it, suicide is a tough thing to deal with. From the person attempting to commit it to the people left behind after the act. So many questions. So few answers.

It appears that despite the socially connected world we live in, we still suffer from isolation.

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the change in me i didn’t want to happen

Sometimes I wonder if I have issues with superiority and following or if I am simply a free-spirited person. Sometimes I wonder if I would ever last in a job where I need to take orders and be boxed by a rigid set of rules or if I was simply meant to work in a boundless environment. A friend and mentor did forewarn me that I was not suited for an office job or any other static job that would eventually end up routinary. He told me that the best jobs for me would be something that would always excite my creativity or push me to constantly change or innovate all the time. I would fare better in a job that would constantly push me to my limits and challenge my creative mind. I will never be content in a job that would require me to work routinely day in day out.

 

I should have listened to such a precious gem of advice. I should have heeded it the first chance I got. But I was scared. I was complacent. I was impatient. I knew no better. I had grown tired of my vagabond days in school. I felt that I needed a more stable, less exciting, and more predictable life. I felt like I couldn’t take another moment of stressful organizing, chaotic order and countless networking. I felt like I needed a break. I decided to be a bum. Of course, I needed to earn money. It would be selfishness if I continue to impose myself upon my parents long after graduation just because I felt like I needed a break from who I am. And so I became a call center agent, specifically, a Technical Support Representative.

 

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