Muah. Mwah.
Many versions. One meaning.
In chat lingo, muah or mwah would mean a kiss – on the cheek, on the forehead, on the hand or on the lips – it’s up to the recipient to decide. Sometimes, the term would also mean a loud cry but more often than not it means a kiss.
For us, it is our SOP on good byes. Mwah from him, muah from me. Our good byes are never complete without it. Before I was hesistant when he first used the term. I thought he was again overstepping his boundaries. But after knowing him for several months now, and after all the conversations we’ve shared, the term has become a welcome respite. Our conversations would never be complete without its utterance during our temporary farewells.
My world would not be complete without that endearment.
It really is interesting how far we’ve managed to come – from my entries over my angst about how we cannot be, to my angst about how hateful his actions were, then to my entries on how possible and interesting it had been for a purely platonic, albeit fraternal, friendship to sprung up between us. Indeed we have come a long way.
My prediction was true. My initially very close relationship with the other would wither to the level of acquaintances, just like with so many other close friendships I’ve had but my relationship with him would continue to blossom to something beyond what we ever thought possible. Not romantic, that really is not possible, but to something more than just simple friendship.
I can recall our conversation when he said he wanted something more than friendship. I said that was impossible. Not only is he miles away but he is attached already. Although he wasn’t quite able to nail exactly the relationship he wanted, I believe that what we have now is exactly what he was referring to. We’ve moved to it unconsciously, aided by the disaster we had to go through. We have a kind of closeness that perhaps borders to romanticism but will never quite reach that point for we both know that that path is not for us. Rather we choose to create another kind of friendship that will enable us to remain close minus all the romantic feelings.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s all just me or that’s also how he thinks. Time has been tricky and we never got to talk as much as we want or did like before. But I hope that we are of the same mind regarding what we have. I do not know if what I’m doing is morally right or morally sound or even ethically acceptable. I have known that what feels right is not always right, however, what seems wrong is also not always wrong.
So I remain at limbo over this unusual relationship.We remain brother and sister to each other – CLOSE brother and sister – even if we are not blood relations (in fact we haven’t really met face to face and seldom hear each other’s voice!). Time only knows how this curious relationship will unfold but I know deep down, somewhere in the recesses of my overly-convoluted mind, that when I meet him, the guy I will cherish forever, I may have to let him, the closest thing I’ve come to a brother, go. But why bother worrying over the future. I have today and today is what I will cherish for as long as it chooses to last.
**PS
I feel this post will not be complete without mentioning that there is also a guy where mwah is his form of saying hello. I find it quite endearing also. 😀
**PPS
That’s it. I must now rest and tide the ebb of words for another time. My vision sways before me and my motor skills lag – a clear indicament that blood circulation is deftly compromised.
