This is a Mother’s Day post. A post that I made to honor my mom for all she has done for me.
As I am nearing motherhood – I hope – I am all the more struck at how awesome my own mother is. We have a long history – mom and I – and we have our highs and lows. Sometimes our lows are so low that I cannot begin to imagine why she is my mom. But yet, despite how low we could get, I know, deep in my heart I will never ever want another mom like her.
I’m not sure if I have blogged about how much I appreciate her sacrifices for us – her kids – but if I haven’t let me reminisce them once more. My mom had us when she could have been in the prime of her youth – young, beautiful and definitely skilled and going places. Yet she chose to instead, bear kids and start a family, foregoing a chance at a career and instead raising a family.
In the past, as I was growing up and being filled with so much ambition, I didn’t understand the sacrifices she made. I wanted to be a career woman. I wanted to rise to the top of the corporate ladder. I emulated strong women in business and leadership roles looking at them as the epitome of success. My mom – while I appreciate her hard work – I only saw what she gave up, and not what she gained.
Growing older – and wiser – I now crave for the life she had. The chance to be with your kids every growing up moment, looking and guiding them as they discover the world around them.
My mom has been like our best friend – the always ready companion who will laugh with us, cry with us, scold us, discipline us, quarrel with us, argue with us but in the end still remain true to us. Mommy has guided us the best she can even when the world was always changing – often times too fast for any of us to keep up. I bet how her mother raised her was very different from how she raised us. The same values were there but the circumstances are far, far different.
And with the rapidly changing world we live in, I can only assume that when I have kids of my own, I will be faced with radically different circumstances and different challenges of raising kids. But since my mom raised me on solid core values – I am assured I can depend on those core values to raise my kids.
Most mothers when you argue with them the way I do with my Mom will most probably scar your relationship – maybe beyond repair. My mom and I have our fights. Sometimes I cringe to even remember how much I hurt her and cause her pain. I can only regret the words left spoken and unable to get back. But the wonderful thing about my mom and I is that, despite all the hurts we had to find and navigate ourselves in, we always reconcile and go back to loving each other. We find time to heal and forgive – that love we have always stronger than any hurtful words we may hurl at each other. We may disagree on a lot of things but in the end we both knew that when the going gets tough we have each other.
I cannot ask for a better mother than that. A mother that allows me to have my own mind and allows me to express it – sometimes to her pain – yet still accepts me open arms and with no condemnation when I run to her arms – sometimes crying but hopefully not. I cannot remember feeling this secure love that I can push on and find my own voice, my own self and still be secure enough that there is someone back at home, loving me for who I am – who I become. And I can always go back to that no matter what.
I have read of many kids who stray from their homes because their parents can’t simply understand them. Kids who’d rather stay away because they feel they will never be welcome back. But I am thankful that such is the opposite for me.
I’ve always said that I am blessed that I was raised in such a way that I can have my wings and fly — and crash and burn. But still manage to find my way back home.
My life has been a constant flight into the unknown. I simply love adventure. I like going to places and pursuing things I feel strongly for regardless if they are seemingly wise or not. And most of the times, I feel like I crashed and burned it. But the security of the home that my parents – especially my mom – has created, is something that allows this free spirit in me to roam free to explore.
With the COVID-19 lockdown situation, I am away from my family. I have always been away spending less than 3 months total a year at home. I have already began considering other places as my home and will soon begin placing roots elsewhere.
But the lockdown situation has brought my heart closer to home than ever before. I keep seeing how, the person I am now, is largely influenced by my mother. I find joy in solitude because I like to read – something I took from her. I feel giddy whenever I sing to musical numbers and amazed at how much I remember the lyrics all because growing up, she has exposed us to theatrical musicals. My soul soars whenever I am able to bake a pleasant pastry that melts in my mouth all thanks to her influence in baking. I am mentally fit due to the faith in God she has instilled in me since I was a young girl.
I realize, as I prepare to become a mother, that my mom has been the single most influential person to my life. My love and passion for everything I have now is largely in part due to her. And for that I am grateful.
And for that, she is the best woman out there who can be my mother. I love you Mommy!
